Yesterday, I wasn't able to post because I was ill. I also had plans to go to a panel discussion about people of color and psychedelic treatment and was not able to attend that, either. What ensued I could not have imagined.
Some of you that are familiar with my writing know that I do not believe in anything metaphysical. The reason for this is I used to but because of my illness, when I got very sick, I realized my beliefs weren't helping me at all and I went all out science and because of that shift I believe I am alive today. What I am writing about today some will think is of a spiritual nature, and in the old definition of the word is closer to the truth. However, what I am writing about is human potential that lies in every person because of virtue of the fact that they have a mind. No metaphysical beliefs required. The Buddha discovered the potential for nibbana (nirvana) which means the absence of deluded, unclear thinking. What arises in its place I was not so sure I could believe. Getting deeper into my studies recently I have reintroduced teachings about states of consciousness that are blissful but haven't gotten to deep into them because I have not personally experienced it. Until now.
My meditations had gotten me to a place that I felt refreshed, renewed and peaceful and that was really good enough for me. However, I find the whole process so fascinating that I continue to study and practice because nothing has ever made me feel so whole and complete. The deeper I dig into it the more I am drawn in like a magnet. I am now convinced that blissful states are real, I don't know how to recreate it, because it happened by accident but it happened as a result of practice as I will explain.
I began to feel quite ill and dissociate and got to a point where I felt I could no longer control my muscles. This is normally accompanied by a primal terror that is kind of hard to explain. Normally, the terror would take over and I had become resigned to the fact that I was always going to be at the mercy of this. Last night that changed.
Because of my mind training I quickly began practicing mindfulness and not adding suffering on top of the symptoms. What happened next was nothing short of amazing. Suddenly, I felt my mind EXPAND, like a bubble of intense pleasure. Everything that was happening with my body, muscles and brain was not at all a concern. I still couldn't move but I was having this experience. It was clear, expansive and blissed out is the only way I can describe it.
I was still ill, I still had to over medicate myself just to get through the night but this experience has left me with a new level of confidence in the abilities of my own mind to get me through anything. Now, I am even more curious than before but I'm also feeling more relaxed about the whole process because it's all inside of me. I've uncovered a new level of awareness that has been taught about for thousands of years. I'm not saying I'm enlightened, I don't know anything anymore. All I know is that I like it. I need to do some more thoughtful research on this. I'm just glad I'm feeling better!
Check out my blog for other essays on Buddhism and meditation
Buddhist Wisdom: From Taking Things Personally to Responding Skillfully and Attaining Mastery
Buddhist Wisdom: When Lightning Strikes It’s Not Personal
The Buddha Was Just a Guy Who Got Woke – The Parable of Two Arrows
Buddhism: Hope for Trauma Survivors and Healing Modalities
Buddhism: Learning How to Drop Aversion and Be in Grace
Awaken Your Creativity/Writing With Morning Pages and Buddhist Mindfulness Practices
My First 10 Day Buddhist Samatha-Vipassana Meditation Retreat in NYC
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