My late aunt and favorite woman Mrs. Prudent Okafor was quite young when she met her husband. She was one of the most intelligent and industrious women I have ever met. She was smart, homely and lovely; with her most beautiful smile, she would charm any man who ever set eyes on her. In all honesty without sounding vain and exaggerated, she would gain the attention of all once she stepped into any place.
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She was just one woman you can really term a real “African Queen” like 2 Face sang in his bestselling song. But with all her beauty and elegance, she would normally come off as a humble and reserved woman. Her male admirers would often tell me, “She is the most self-controlled woman ever.” I believed them wholly because you know I was privileged to grow up with this woman all my life and couldn’t find a dent in the earlier assertion of the men who had wooed her.
I would usually worship the ground she walked on because she had done so much for me even with my “razness” and the juvenile activities that highly characterized my growing up. She was indeed the best mother, wife, grandmother, friend, companion and best pal any one could ever ask for. She was just “it” for me. I used to personally assert that I wouldn't even consider marrying any woman who wasn’t like my mother.
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I remember when I began my speaking career in Hope Chapel over 15 years ago. My aunt would take out time to read my speeches, listen to my talks, question my ideologies, make recommendations and teach me how to efficiently convey what I wanted to say without sounding proud or coming off as knowing too much. I couldn’t imagine any girl ever turning me back because you she’ll be losing a smart, intelligent and very handsome guy (my aunt made me believe so). I also believed that there was no man who had his sanity and sense of reasoning intact who could EVER MISTREAT or play with her emotions because for Christ’s sake, this woman was just every guy’s dream.
But I WAS WRONG
I grew up in a family where my aunt husband was the terror that flew by day and night. He was the author and finisher of the faith of any and every one who has his/her name joined to his. My aunt husband voice wasn’t just the sound of command but command and action at the same time, despite the fact that he held a notable position in church. I remember that often when he was around, we would find one thing or another to do to avoid being in his presence. We lived and breathed in perpetual fear and despair; neither given attention nor felt loved by him. Our lives were made to be living hells (the thought that he had such an amazing woman and voice of sanity would usually make me feel like life was a dream…a farce). It bothered me that a wonderful woman like my aunt was unlucky to marry her husband. most times, I was forced to tell her she made a mistake. But what could she have done under the circumstances surrounding the commencement of their relationship? She told me that the first day she met her husband , he was very charming and eloquent and that struck her cord like the waters of River Niger and Benue clashing to form a confluence. He asked her to accompany him to know his house; she obliged and the rest isn’t history but “ME.”
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He wasn’t ever physically abusive and for what it’s worth never laid his hands on my aunt , but it would have been better if he did. I believe that sometimes, physical pain is better than emotional pain. He would make her cry almost on a weekly basis, insult her in our presence and refuse to take care of the family bills. He unfairly treated the wife of his youth. I remember specifically how my aunt would pay my school fees including her children but will tell us her husband did when I knew that he didn’t. He wasn’t always there to spend time with us nor his lawfully wedded wife. She had earlier on in life decided not to ever marry or have kids for more than one man, so her hands were technically tied. She grew lonelier and lonelier with each passing day of the marriage, became dominantly depressed, worked hard to make ends meet and provide for the family...to be a mother and father at the same time. She lost a pregnancy because of stress and before long was diagnosed with breast cancer.
Medical research has shown an unprecedented skyrocketed increase in women mortality over the last 15years and this is predominantly rooted in a roaring pandemic called “stress.” Breast cancer, a predominant disease among women in the last 5years has emotional and psychological stress as one of its risk factors and cause. A lump was removed from my aunt breast last two year (of course her husband wasn’t by her side…to him that was her business).
The hospital wasn’t able to ascertain whether the lump was cancerous or not. She died exactly one year after the lump removal with stage-3 breast cancer eating up her lungs causing her severe pain before death.”
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Let me ask a few questions based on the above true-life story.
(1) Did prudent Okafor make a mistake in choosing her spouse? **
(2) Did she have a choice to leave the bad and emotionally draining marriage?
(3) Would she be alive if her husband was supportive and responsible?**
(4)** Would she be alive if she had left her husband?**
(5) Would the society have given her the chance to free herself from such a burdensome marriage?
(6)** Is she ever going to forgive herself that she died for nothing? **
(7) Where should we draw the line between personal convictions, false hope and burdening relationships?
(8) What’s the place of personal conviction in marriage? **
(9) Will you ever want to be in such a burdensome marriage?
(10) What will you start doing from today?
I’m hoping that your answers will frame your choices and the quality of life you’ll lead from now hence forth.**
To the Women: DON'T MAKE THE WRONG MAN LUCKY
To the Men: IN ALL SINCERITY, WOULD YOU WANT YOUR
CHILDREN TO BE LIKE YOU?
