Hey there "old man" I am over 40 and I tell you when I got married: A year ago. Nobody has to die alone if you are afraid of that. Some places give comfort to people who have nobody else. You do not have to be alone. You can go out there and explore the world around you. Your life is not over because you are getting close to 40.

Please reach out for help!
Reach out to a local helpline. Just call them and share your post with them.

Find your doctor and get a subscription for psychiatric help. It is no shame to ask for help. We all have been to dark places in our mind.