I saw a comment today. This person’s analysis of 2018 was, “What the fuck was that?!” I'm in total agreement. This year has been a shit show.
@ecotrain question of the week. “What is the value of letting go? What have you let go of recently, and how has it changed your life?”Holy wow, Batman. Letting go is one of the big themes of 2018. Letting go can be hard. Getting to the point of being willing to let go can be even harder, but the afterglow is almost always magnificent. Except when it's dampened by 18 more layers of letting go. That's been my reality this year. A fucking onion of shit shows. It is the fall, though, the season of the west, of letting go of things that no longer serve you.
Are you familiar with this method? If not, never fear. I'm a master. I can tell you all you never wanted to know. This learning technique involves either ignoring or attempting to bargain with spiritual messages you are receiving from guides/angels/the universe/God. These messages tend to start out as soft whispers of intuition or revealing dreams. After a sufficient time has passed with your fingers in your ears, the messages will become louder - unpleasant interactions, emotional and mental struggles or roller coasters, mild illnesses. Don't worry, though. You can ignore those too! Eventually you get to experience a full on 2x4 experience! These involve amazing things like financial disaster, full blown depression, serious physical illness, serious assaults on your body, home, or family, dissolution of serious relationships, and more fun adventures.
Like I said, I'm a master. I continually ignore quiet voices and nudges. I'm crazy stubborn and almost pathologically optimistic. I always believe things and people are getting better just around the bend. They're often not. It regularly takes a 2x4 to wake me up. This is when I can let go of a person, thing, idea, emotion, pattern, etc.
One of the really challenging bits here is that these patterns of holding on with a death grip are often very addictive. There are synaptic patterns in the brain, and like a well worn trail in the woods, it's simply easier and feels better to take the path. Clearing the brush for a new path is more work. The chemicals released in your body when you experience certain situations or emotions can also be very addictive. This is why change can feel so hard even after you recognize the problem.
It is surprising how much decluttering your physical surroundings can empower you. I recognize this is harder for some than for others, but I'd venture a guess that it is easier for almost anyone than letting go of a pattern of victimhood or fear or toxic relationships or savior complex or martyrdom. So start here. Let go of things you don't need. Let go of things you don't absolutely love. Give them away, burn them, trash them, whatever, but get rid of them.
The power of this move may surprise you. It feels so good to get rid of crap and get organized, and you may find you really want to walk from a whole host of toxic relationships suddenly. With the physical clutter no longer blocking your view, it's easier to see the other vampires in your life. Find a way to let them go. Family relationships can be complicated, but you can almost always find a way to at least distance yourself. Caring for yourself will start to become addictive too, and you will begin to realize that you can love those people from a distance sufficient enough to avoid unbalancing your equilibrium.
I hate that whole thing about how everything is small stuff. It's so minimizing, dismissive, and terribly presumptuous and arrogant. The underlying beliefs, ideas, and emotional addictions that led to toxic relationships and too much crap are harder to let go of. This is big. Honor yourself. Honor your courage. Forgive yourself for accepting something less than what you deserve. Acknowledge that those patterns and habits may not have been installed by you. They may have even served you for a time. Allow yourself some grace. Allow yourself to grieve.
I don't know about you, but I have a really solid sand line. It takes me an incredibly long time to get there, but once it is drawn and crossed, I do not go back. Respect your own boundaries. Once you've let go of something, avoid scooping it back up again. I know this can be hard, but this is about self love.
You identified what was weighing you down. You made clear, strong boundaries. You got rid of the physical clutter. You let go of the toxic people. The last step is to let go of the patterns and addictive emotions. They will be easier to see with that other stuff out of the way. Once you recognize the pattern, you will see it earlier and earlier in the process. When you see it, you are at choice to go a different path. That choice becomes easier each time. This, I believe, is the path to true freedom. There are more layers, but that's the fun of living. We will never be finished.
Like I said up top, this has been a big year of letting go for me. I handled major issues with my physical belongings when I moved here to Hopkins in July. I let go of a terribly toxic relationship. I let go of the idea of wanting someone to take care of me. I simultaneously began acknowledging the worth of what I'm doing in this world. I let go of my daughter as she moved out of my house, and while she's nothing but goodness in my life, letting go of needing to take care of, or be needed by, our children is really big.
Some are still in process. I'm letting go of this idea I am a failure. I'm letting go of feeling undervalued or feeling like a victim. I'm letting go of needing to please everybody all the damn time. I'm letting go of this martyrdom thing of putting everyone else first. I'm letting go of feeling like I am personally responsible for the shitty things that happen, especially the ones that happen to my kids. I'm letting go of the need to be perfect. I'm letting go of the illusion of control, especially over others’ lives.
I got a ways to go, but I feel so much better. I owe a lot to this community.
Much love, y’all!
As always, all pics are mine or pixabay unless otherwise noted.
