Parenting isn't really easy. It's amazing and beautiful and magical, but it's also really challenging. I truly believe nothing has grown me like raising children. Of course we grow by pushing our limits and expanding our edges. Kids are so, so good at that.
Sometimes that expansion is ugly. Sometimes it's hard. Sometimes my patience is just shot. I was reading through some of my posts and realizing that I want to be a little more honest. I saw something today about how important it is to help each other, and I like to help by offering alternatives and solutions that support families and honor children.
I think being honest is another way to help. None of us are living up to the impossible standards we set for ourselves in our heads. And yet we tend to feel alone in our shortcomings. Of course widespread judgmental comments about parenting don't help us to feel safe in sharing. We don't want others to know we aren't perfect parents.
Spoiler alert: none of us are perfect. Sometimes I yell at my kids. Sometimes I say mean things. Sometimes I want to be left alone. Sometimes I want to walk out the door and just keep walking. Sometimes I just want to lie in bed and not deal with any of it. Sometimes I wish I could just feel good about putting them in school. Sometimes I wish I could just do it like everyone else does. Sometimes I wish I could send them off to join the circus. Sometimes I wish I could go be a Buddhist monk and just sit in silence for days and days. You know what? It's ok. It really is.
It's alright if you need a break. It's alright if you lose your shit sometimes. It's alright that you're not perfect. You know why? You're doing your best. I'm doing my best. I'm not always giving the best I can, but I'm always doing the best I can in that moment. We have to make peace with that. And we need to support each other, not put each other down. Offer help and encouragement.
My dad is always super encouraging.
It's also really important that our children see us acknowledging our challenges and shortcomings. I don't mean to turn your kid into your therapist, but I do encourage you to say, "I know I'm not perfect. Sometimes I do or say things I wish I hadn't. I want you to know I'm sorry, and I love you more than i can say." Something like that. It helps them to know that you see yourself. It helps them learn to be more reflective of their own actions. It helps them to be ok with their own shortcomings. It helps them to love and accept themselves and others.
So, you're doing awesome, mamas and daddies. You're doing your best. You got this! Xoxoxo
