I've been figuring out what to write for a few minutes now.
What you write is powerful. The end is beautiful. Full of courage and strength and a moment of 'setting your foot down'. I can only imagine - even though you are quite descriptive - what your life has been like and how much of you it took to finally say 'enough'.

I see myself in much of what you write. I feel you. Not entirely, but close. What I have learned is that traumas are passed on from generation to generation. A traumatised parent acts towards their child(ren) in such a way that could be devestating for the child(ren) (if the trauma is not approached and handled properly, that is). Unknowingly most of the time. Or knowingly, but unable to stop it or unable to apologise for it. Luckily for most of us, our parents aren't like the Fritzls from Austria. But the pain is still real and hurts (or has hurt). Af, I can imagine.

Another thing I've learned is that we have all of our feelings for a reason. We can't just pick and choose. All of them are to be felt and experienced and prosessed. Kinda. If you're angry, go be angry (in a responsible manner). If you're sad, go be sad. Cry all that pain out. Because repressing this or that only comes back tenfold. That is how we heal. We sit with it, we feel it, we prosess it, we let go and move on. Have you heard about gestalt psychology? I think it's fascinating, I have a book about it. It focuses more on the here and now, than the past or future, and then the feelings we encounter now while talking about the past and how to regain control. Kind of. I'm new to it. Maybe worth a look?

One last thing about your post regarding ADHD. I read a quote somewhere, probably by Einstein, that said that 'if you judge a fish by its ability to climb trees, it will live its life thinking that it's stupid'. Some love maths, others love history, some love running around and guess what - they are amazing football players (not AM football, but soccer). Not everyone can sit in a cubicle for 8 hours a day, 5 days a week. Some have a creative mind, some have a less creative mind. Anyway. We are all different, and there's lots of beauty in that.

I wish you all the best. The post took strength, that last step took strength. I believe in you - even though I've never met you. The beauty of pouring out your soul online - people believe you, as it takes guts in today's society to do that, and root for you! high five
Apparently I had a lot to say haha Anyway, good luck to you. Never stop believing in yourself. We are all a lot stronger than society has let us believe. We can accomplish the most exraordinary things :)