The spectrum of life

'It takes all kinds to make a world,' goes the saying. We come across different kinds of people everyday, we try to label them and slot them into recognizable categories. Our brain prefers that they be grouped into a spectrum consisting of files and folders labelled and sloted in an orderly fashion. It needs this kind of organization to be able to retrieve data whenever necessary and as many times as needed.

We notice the features of the face, the eyes, nose, lips, color, shape and decide whether it is pretty or plain. Then we watch they way they behave and decide whether they are friendly or cold, kind or rude, funny or grumpy, vulgar or civilized, good or evil, mature or immature etc.

This is important information that is needed as a ready reference for the future when we are to meet these individuals be it physically or virtually. We adjust our social behavior to match or adjust with that of the theirs and interact accordingly. It is like a game of color matching in our wardrobe, we know which color matches well with other in the color spectrum and how one outfit vibes with the mood of the day.

We decide whether we want to have a long term relationship, a business relationship or just working relationship with each person depending on where we have filed them in the spectrum. Strangely this coding and categorization is a matter of personal perspective and may not be the result of a logical or rational conclusion. What seems good to me may not seem good to you, what matches my temperament and taste may not match yours. There is nothing hard or fast or written in stone about where we categorize people. At time passes we may even decide to completely change the way we looked at a person.

There was this guy I met online. He was helpful, seemed easy to get long with, came through as someone who was fun to hang out with while still maintaining a healthy personal distance and mature enough in the first few interactions we had. I immediately slotted him in to the blue folder, my favorite color.Time went by we interacted a lot, shared jokes, information (not too personal) and decided that we could be friends. This worked fine until he tried to take it this up to a romantic plane. I tried hinting about my age, my status so as to carry on a friendly relationship without getting on to a sticky wicket where things could get greatly entangled. It didn't work and that was the end of a great relationship. I had to drop him in the red zone, not one of my favorite colors. I like all colors, but this is a 'treat with caution zone'.

There was nothing wrong with the person or the relationship except that he wanted more and I wasn't looking for such a relationship. He could have been right from his point of view and I mine. It is a matter of perspective. It is a matter of time and place. No hatred there, just that there is not a great matching of interests. I am committed, I have no space for anyone other than the one who exists in that zone, my husband in this instance.

This is how our mental filing system works, nothing is written in stone. we are constantly weighing and categorizing people based on our understanding, culture, value, traditions and perhaps our own expectations of others.

We love to have a wide spectrum of people in our personal repertoire. I am rather deep and serious in my approach to life, so I always make sure that I have funny people around me, but they need to be funny, smart but I cannot stand vulgarity. I love to have intellectual people around me, people who think and emote deeply. I like those that are creative, artistic and talented they inspire me.I enjoy being around hardworking people who push themselves beyond their limits. I like the young at heart so I don't have to feel like I am already in my grave. I like my world to be colored by a vibrant spectrum of people I can relate to so we could mutually encourage and inspire the other.

A wide spectrum of people in our lives make it possible to constantly study ourselves as to where we stand. While it is good to introspect and know who we are, we also need to be realistic and know our place in the society, this spectrum that we have becomes our backdrop and our bench mark.

This spectrum becomes our frame of reference when we have to work on our failings, it helps us understand where we need to strengthen ourselves or even to judge how strong we are in certain aspects. It is easier to see ourselves from a realistic perspective when we have a healthy spectrum of friends. This is not for gloating about our personal achievements or to beat ourselves about our lack of them, it is about knowing who we really are and not have an unrealistically bloated image of self.

"Variety is the spice of life" (William Cowper in his Poem 'The task') or to put it this way diversity makes for wider learning. It is boring to have the same kind of people as friends. They say opposites attract as in magnetic force. Since we have a wide range of interest we also like to interact with a wide range of people.

We are curious about people from other cultures, countries and even colors. However, at times the unfamiliar realm does fills us with fear but most of us overcome it because of our curiosity to know more.

Nonetheless we normally do not normally like to associate with people with a criminal mindset or unacceptable behavior unless we ourselves have a tendency towards it or we consider ourselves as a catalyst of change for such people. What I mean here is we all have out lines drawn when it comes to certain things. I like exploration but I will not cross the barrier of what is illegal or immoral no matter how interesting the experience is.

While we all love to have wider experience, knowledge, skills, interactions etc Yet we have certain barriers which stop us when we come to that crossroad in life. For many of us it could be our values, religious beliefs, traditions, culture, fears, perceptions, past experiences etc which stand as barriers between us and our further exploration. This is a strong barrier even though it is just a mental barrier.

Mental maturity is one of those things that stops people from being emotionally carried away by the things happening around them. You could call it by different names - conscience, value, belief system or conviction depending on the circumstances. These limit your spectrum as much as much as they help you to define, expand and acquire a richer experience.

To get back to where I started, "It takes all kinds to make a world". If it didn't we wouldn't appreciate the good from the bad, the right from the wrong or the beautiful from the ugly. We would live and act like robots, or machine made toys doing and saying the same things we are programmed to do day after day.

As the spectrum of life gets wider and more colorful, the life we live becomes more flavorful and vivacious. Each of us personally decide the length, the breadth, the width and the height of the spectrum we call life. This is the beauty of life, the freedom of choice, the freedom to be who we are, to choose what we would like to impact our lives.