This year has been the hardest year for me for many reasons. Each thing that happened to me broke me a little bit more. I had more cracks and pieces missing. It was a wonder I got out of bed...Some days it was close.

I have been waging war over here to keep my head above water. A lot of those days I ended up using a straw to still be able to breathe.

Each thing that happened dampened my creativity which took away the things that makes me happy. When I am happy, I can write easily, for the most part. So while this is my 5th year here, I have written less than at any other time. That made me sad. Very sad. This is my happy place, and I need it to be just that.

I was talking to a wise person yesterday. They pointed a few things out to me...Things I knew, but when you hear someone you respect say it all together, you realize a few things.

One is you are letting others control you. Something I will not allow, but I was doing without realizing it. I was letting my joy being taken from me and had given up the fight...cuz I was being lazy? Tired? Who knows, but I was living without the thing that gives me the most joy, and I was not fighting for it. And I am not known for giving up even in the hardest circumstances.

After thinking about it the rest of yesterday, night came, and I started to fill my head with noise so I didn't have to hear my thoughts. But this time I stopped myself knowing if I didn't at least Try, another day would go by or another month, and I would have nothing happy to show for my time spent on this Earth.

And others still winning while I sat and took it.

When I say, I wrote the above post one letter at a time...I mean one letter at a time. I just never gave up, and I ended up with a story I am very proud of.

But when I play a game or learn something new, I am slower than most and have never let that stop me if I want it bad enough. But I was fighting for something that meant more to me than any game. It didn't make sense when it was brought to my attention.

So I fought. Lucky for me, while the battle was painful, it ended well. I had become smarter and had a page of single words that fully told the story to help me along the way.

It's funny how I can stand up for others and what is right, but when it comes to myself...I do not always use the same energy I should in helping myself...

And I think I have rambled on enough...But remember, you are worth fighting for. You made a piece of artwork showing saving the world and all that is good in it.

HUGS!