I have been sitting at my computer looking at a blank white page. I should be putting words on this blank white page. The problem with this line of thinking is I have gotten rusty doing any kind of creative anything.
I used water-based markers on the first page of Reptiloids II coloring book by Vasyl Sailo. Adding markers as a base to your coloring page takes away 'blank page syndrome'.
This year has been.....
This year was to be the year I got a handle on Doctors, my art, posts, making books, digital art, and so on. I was on an excellent roll as the year started. I had boughten a planner and used it in my own way. Let's not get crazy and think I really planned anything but with the help of my planner, I could look back and remember what I had done during the day and what was to come later in the month.
I was happy. It showed me how much I really did accomplish each and every day. I would write down why if I hadn't done as much in a day. It helped me not be so hard on myself for getting so little, according to some, done daily.
I was proud of how far I had come in my art journey. Drawing and coloring each day gave me a joy I had not felt in a long time. The end of March changed everything, and I put my life on hold for the next four months.
I started with the bright green leaves knowing looking at them come to life would make me happy.
I had two lives in my hands and no help from anyone.
My friends helped me the best they could, listening to me whine. I needed help with cooking and someone to stop over for a few hours so I could sleep for more than one hour at a time. But life isn't perfect, and we don't always get what we need. We learn to make do, and I did.
Next, I added some purple for color. This was the point where I almost gave up. Was that a tail and his back? Or just a tail? I decided to ignore it all and just keep on going.
Once home, it was time to take care of myself. Time to nurture my soul and get healthy again. I slept a lot. When awake, I was in a semi-daze. I would look at my computer desk and all my art supplies, and my brain shut down. Everything I had learned seemed to be hiding somewhere in my brain. It wanted to avoid coming out and playing. I was an empty shell of creativity.
This didn't mean I was gone from Hive or the people here. I would connect with my friends daily, but I wasn't myself for most of it. Those friends knew I had been through a lot, but I could feel their worry. I tried my best, and that was all I could do.
I found myself missing myself. I wanted to come back to life, but my brain had other ideas. Looking back, my brain knew better what I needed to focus on. Writing, art, and Hive would all be there when I was ready. I didn't have to be happy about not being able to post. I just needed to heal before I could fly once again.
Then came to color his body. It's not the correct color, but I love the shading, which made me happy to look at it.
I look at my computer desktop, and I have folders of photos I have taken that go along with never-written posts. I must stop getting upset when looking at those folders and know the posts will come in time. A recipe doesn't have a timeline! So know that delicious food posts are also coming.
This past week I have slowly been working on coloring some pages in books I have. I am sad looking at how much I have forgotten. I am also happy with how fast I am relearning everything I forgot too. The hardest part is knowing I need to relax and enjoy the process.
The final.
I can give up on being creative or take the time needed and slowly relearn what I once knew. It comes down to how badly am I willing to fight for the things that give me joy? In fighting for joy, I am also fighting for a better life. I never want to be that person who always blames others for their crappy lives.
My quiet time for today is soon coming to an end. I advise you to never give up on what ultimately brings you joy! Press On!!
All photos are mine unless otherwise stated.
