**Behind every words, it’s the comfort I found.**

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Hi Hive! Its me Chanalyn,28 years old, a teacher by profession, a first time and hands-on mom to my daughter .I am 30% introvert and 70% extrovert. Why? Let me explain this, growing up in the province wherein my circle is composed only of closest families ,my grandmothers and grandfathers, my parents, siblings, aunties, uncle, titas, titos, cousins from first degree down to 5th I guess .I live in a village or a compound perhaps where my neighborhood are really my families and relatives. When I was young my mother is over-protective of me .I now understand my mother since I am a mother, mysef. ![mama.jpg](https://files.peakd.com/file/peakd-hive/smexyliese/23wqiYu5L4JBQ3BX5Pcn7zi78gofvPLCj7f7XmkX4Z57jg9GaorAGp3pCjFwaAYJXxNT6.jpg) I seldom went outside for playing, I just play in the four corners of our house with my paperdolls as my playmates and kitchen toys that are mostly from the bottles of empty lotion and etc. mostly of my toys are recycled (lol) and I enjoyed playing with myself. I talk with myself in short I created an own world but don’t think ill of me, there’s nothing wrong with me. I also remember that I got to play outside with my cousins if I am done counting numbers from1 to 100 ,practice writing any alphabet letters or even recite the multiplication table or done with my assignments. Time came that I have to go to school, I met different children. I am afraid and ashamed to interact with them, gladly I have my cousin whom my classmate too. As I get acquainted with my new environment I discovered that I am capable to make friends and play with them, that there is outside the circle from where I am in, its like outside my created world there is also another world that is so big. However, I didn’t know that the outside world can hurt me too, I was bullied and sometimes get into fights. I thought they are my friends I have thought that friends should not hurt each other but in reality it’s not. We cannot please anybody to like you. I was teased of my height ( I am short ), my full and uneven lips (my lower lip is bigger than my upper lip),my assymetrical face that’s why when I became a teenager these are my insecurities. So, I settled to those people whom I believe THAT THEY WILL NEVER HURT ME.I decided not to be closed with others, I have friends but I never trusted them except with my cousin.

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Moving to highschool years, I was separated with my cousin ,she was in another section. I was relieved because in my section I had my classmates back in elementary years we were six I guess at that class and so I became close with them since they are ones I knew. As we get older, there are realizations that I learned inorder to widen our horizons we need to interact and socialize. We cannot control anyone, they can hurt us at any means but I guess you need to be ready and just make your heart strong for everything. In my highschool era, I interact casually .Eventually I found friends who are my ultimate friends for life ,we called ourselves as EXTREME GIRLS. We have similarities like were into dancing and focused into academics. We are still connected up to this day. With them I discovered my other self. My circle has increase its size, before I have myself, my family ,my cousin then my friends. I felt safe with them. ![FB_IMG_1720419545965.jpg](https://files.peakd.com/file/peakd-hive/smexyliese/EorzQ2CaHkU5LPGYLs8ahfLa8C5kXUxnKLoa9K5HWM8A7cLc8fXqdwdpvk9zDGp6Lkq.jpg) Graduation came and we need to take different paths to pursue college. I was like a child , had no idea of what my life in the city. Since I am just a girl who came from a mountainous part of my hometown ,has poor social skills and dependent with my mother. I had fear if I could survive this another world. I have come into terms that,this is life,for me to survive I need to be resilient,I don’t need other people. My routine during college years was redundant, it was like a cycle, from house to school then vice versa,to church during Sundays. I never have any nightlife back then,if you tell me that it was boring ? I insists it was not! I enjoyed being with myself. I even eat alone in the canteen or carenderia, study alone in the library, went home alone, went to church alone and shop alone. I can survive even I am alone! And that explains why I am introvert right? I did not socialize not because I don’t want to but because I don’t have somebody who will STAY.THEY WILL COME AND GO.But do not think of me as an aloof,I still interact but it’s not me who will strike the conversations.I mean I still live like an ordinary ,its just that I am okay If I don’t have any circle of friends. I thought my whole college years will be like that, but I was wrong! Later in my college years, unexpectedly I gained friends different from my personality. They are so loud and fun to be with. They made my life in college easier and bearable. They have unleashed something different from me! I can laugh loud with them, throw jokes with them even the greenest ones, I even blended so well like a camouflage .I am no longer alone ,I eat with them ,shop with them, go to church and have some dates with them. I am comfortable showing who I really am with them. Then, I realized that I am not really introvert, Its just that I need somebody who can push me towards my limits, who will let me out from shell ,with my protected circle they have break the walls that I carefully made for me not to be hurt from the outside. I also realized that I need to feel pain because that will made you strong. I need to go out from my circle to meet people and identify who are real ones. At this age, I learned to socialize with people even with the strangers but my principle is Trust No one. We don’t know what are their intentions. I am comfortable with the people whom I believe have genuine intentions.Yeah,I am still introvert but once I knew who you really are and we have matched personalities then expect me that I can go loud around you. ![hs.jpg](https://files.peakd.com/file/peakd-hive/smexyliese/23uFW8NypNwzJjDPqk1EdNSwgRzxyDeJn26gb3tUWHbKQCKrfSEbzcymMCoq1v9QRKFmH.jpg) My hobbies and interests go with the following : first is singing, I love singing in fact ,its my first love. I can still remember the first song that I learned “ Bakit Pa “ by Jessa Zaragoza a Filipina singer. My mother also encouraged me to join singing contests back then. I enjoyed singing in karaoke with friends and even alone. When I was still young I made a song book, I diligently wrote down the lyrics into my notebook, cut out lyrics from news papers then decorated it.When life bore me sometimes,I just found myself singing and it made me happier again. If I were not a teacher today I could have been a singer, Yes! because that was really my dream! ![Screenshot_2024_0713_141636.png](https://files.peakd.com/file/peakd-hive/smexyliese/23wgBTMambhSHmiarHmTSbbc928g9iGMVNKUgQ1KsQ5K4xpWAQVAiDEo6rhHcG8u6dVt4.png) *** _{My Youtube account with my song covers}*** I love dancing of course! My mother told me that I am versatile and a talented one. I just discovered myself that I can move on the beat. I dance gracefully as they say. Back when I was still a student I always perform when there are activities at school ,that’s why when I was in highschool I have a dance group which is the Extreme Girls. And that’s the reason why I chose MAPEH as my course. When tiktok became popular ,I was also one of those being addicted. I practiced the choreography then shoot it that took my time because of retakes. I won’t stop until I am satisfied. If you will ask me which do I prefer if its singing or dancing .Don’t expect me to answer just one because mind you ,I can sing while dancing. Did you know that my idol is SARAH Geronimo,the popstar royalty, .she can do both and her songs are my favorites. ![Screenshot_2024_0713_140404.png](https://files.peakd.com/file/peakd-hive/smexyliese/244KgAS2P6ubNaHTs91UevtwS3FdrfGXnm5mvCf3GaGHXYTE8YjXpQvg23uoW8pTtXAob.png) ***_{My Tiktok Account}*** Who would forget reading? Reading has always been my favorite pastime ever since I learned how to read. I remember when I was in my third grade in primary level, my teacher had a mini library where we can borrow books and can bring at home. My first book that I borrowed was The Ugly Duckling and because of this story I fell in love with reading .This has become my ultimate favorite story up to this date. Every week I constantly borrowed books from my teacher. I did not notice that it became my hobby, there are times when I got to visit my lola’s house, I rummaged the things of my cousins get their books, notebooks and read them. One time I found a big notebook ,there was a story written by my cousin and that encouraged me to write a story out from my imagination ,I was grade five at that time ,one of my classmates read it and she liked it and that pushes me to write more and let her read my written stories. But I stopped writing because I need to focus on my studies. I love reading fairytales , love stories from pocketbooks or novels .I will borrow from my classmates and bring at home. There was a time, I was cleaning our cabinet I found out that my mother has many old books from her highschool years ,there was a thick book of a legend stories, novels, William Shakespeare’s pieces. Dr. Jose Rizal’s Novels and many more. And that stopped me from going to my lola’s house to borrow books from cousins. When e-book came, I was addicted too! I will borrow my classmates’ phones for me to read stories since I don’t have mobile phones. But I see to it that I did not neglect my studies I just read whenever I am done doing academic works. When I graduated in college and began teaching, one of my students introduced wattpad to me since I already have the money to buy a trendy phone. It amazed me because it is an application and we can download it and read stories offline. It consumed my time, to the point that I read until dawn. By the way my favorite author is jonaxx ,she is a wattpad author and she has his own online reading app which is jonaxx stories you can download it too. ![Messenger_creation_a183475d-042f-40ab-8021-accdde24392b.jpeg](https://files.peakd.com/file/peakd-hive/smexyliese/EoiX7gQJzSbmEJvjvY1sR3aFuLAd37rTUzixmRAnx2aNbg39qC3fJQdLyy77TW1jLiG.jpeg) Aduthood stage is so hard! Responsibilities drained me. There are times I found myself crying but reading soothes me. I don’t know but reading has healing effect to me, especially if I found inspiring words that I can relate to. When I read ,I was then recharged, made me get going to where I stopped! Behind every words ,it comforts my soul. It’s like the book is talking to me. It made me forget the reality,and allow me to travel to different world that there is tranquility. During lockdown I busied myself in reading ,and it led me to write my own story in wattpad but I did not continue it I just had 10 chapters of my created story. I also forgot my account .Sometimes, what I have read I then transcribe my take aways from that. I began writing my sentiments when I was in highschool I had a diary ,that I will write everything that had happened in a day. I wrote everything in detail .When I ‘m tired of talking ,I just get my diary and narrating my feelings into it.I still practiced it until now. I guess that’s where my interest in writing began, whenever I want to tell something but afraid to express it I just get my diary and write whatever I felt. ![Messenger_creation_a989e5d7-a7dd-42f7-a334-5c8e354f76b2.png](https://files.peakd.com/file/peakd-hive/smexyliese/23tmHnMFjghJ6T3D2Bt88QijtnC8iw5cT2AVsMnjJfMAc6H32dNPccYqdJ3rXu7vruKvC.png) **_{MY DIARY SINCE HIGHSCHOOL UNTIL 2019}** I am happy that hive is introduced to me. It was introduced by my acquaintance .I want to be honest ,when she talked about it ,I was then interested ,because she told me she is also earning while blogging. I realized by then ,how about taking a step to writing since I got a knock in writing well not a professional but at least I can express myself. She then told me that teacher Smile can help me but I am hesitant to message teacher smile, because I am not close to her. Then days passed ,the wife of my co-teacher messaged me,teacher Maureen, she asked if I am interested then I said yes. ![Screenshot_2024_0620_204931.jpg](https://files.peakd.com/file/peakd-hive/smexyliese/23tGe5FVQoQ2wzkTDjcUuuaBs8J2TFmujco6yZakbBepHn8w5pq6Uck8MkX8XacUc7zz7.jpg) _{Attended Online Orientation for HIVE} So ,here I am finally entering the world of writing thanks to @callmesmile and @fixyetbroken for this opportunity. I know that I have something to contribute in this community. You can learn and inspired with me through my upcoming blogs here .That I can be able to inspire others through my writings especially those who are afraid to speak but words can. I am also excited reading blogs here, since I enjoyed reading so much ,I know I can learn from this community.Thank you for reading until the end. See you to my next blog.Goodbye! ![IMG_20221004_121510.jpg](https://files.peakd.com/file/peakd-hive/smexyliese/23wX1edTRLLKs7opnNE6zMNivFCdiT62msripn4P6PXfTxWNZR4ZMTa2GZ1Q6FeTDWur7.jpg)

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