WISHFUL THINKING
Some days I almost turn off my alarm and try to sleep a bit more then I just push myself and get up from the bed, get ready to go to work then everything feels normal. Some days I feel like sitting in front of a TV and feasting my eyes on fiction all day cause my life is a mess. Some days I almost cry a river and leave a puddle on the bed but I'll just force the smile out of my lips. Some days I almost drive to a town I don't know but I'll turn back and drive back home. Some days I'll lay on my back raise my legs like a baby just to avoid the reality of life and then I'll get back on my feet and be strong again.
Some days I'll go the florist and I wouldn't want to go home because I feel like I'm living a fairytale but then I'll check my calls and mail and realise I shouldn't be messing around. Some days I just feel like leaning on my mum's shoulders and telling her of all the troubles I have but i don't want to get her worried. Some days u almost lose hope in love and in people but I'll take a pen and write down some of the good deeds people have done for me and I'll still have some hope. Some days I almost scream out my lungs but then I'll get a glass of juice and gulp down the choking feeling. Some days I almost resign at the office but I'll take a look at the pile of bills and I'll tear the resignation letter. Some days I almost pretend to be sick so someone would show some love but I'll realize that I don't have to make people show love. Some days I'll almost pack all of my dreams and aspirations and throw them out the door but I'll just light a cigarette and numb the pain. Some days I just want to kiss a cute guy I just saw on the road but ill just stop and realize it's not the smartest thing to do. Some days I almost fall down from my balcony but I'll just take a couple steps back and sit on a chair. Some days I almost wish for death but then I'll remember the people who truly care about me. Some days I try to feel normal, but it's still not and I'll just guess that's the way life goes. I need to accept that am not okay and give myself time to cry, travel, hurt and sleep!