If you are afraid of loneliness, don’t marry. – Chekov
You cry, I cry, …you laugh, I laugh…you jump off a cliff I laugh even harder!!
Even Satan can build a cross. – Swedish proverb
Never steal. The government hates competition.
Don’t get mad, get even. – Robert F. Kennedy
Some people are like Slinky’s. Pretty much useless but make you smile when you push them down the stairs.
A cynic is a man who knows the price of everything and the value of nothing. – Oscar Wilde
Time you enjoy wasting is never wasted. – John Lennon
Practice makes perfect but then nobody is perfect so what’s the point of practicing?
Those who speak don’t know, and those who know don’t speak. – Toby Ziegler
Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until they speak. – Steven Wright
Only the wisest and the stupidest of men never change. – Confucius
Why are they called apartments if they are all stuck together?
A dog looks up to humans. A cat looks down on people. But a pig will look a human in the eye and see its equal. – Winston Churchill
Life is like a hot bath. It feels good while you’re in it, but the longer you stay in, the more wrinkled you get.
There are two kinds of people in this world, and I am one of them. – Dave Barry
An apple a day keeps the doctor away, But if the doctor is cute forget the fruit.
I ran into my ex today…put it in reverse and did it again!!!
I never forget a face, but in your case I’ll be glad to make an exception. – Groucho Marx
Never judge someone until you walk a mile in their shoes. By that time, they’ll be a mile away and barefoot.
Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it. – Woody Allen
Life is Short – Talk Fast!
I’m extraordinarily patient, provided I get my own way in the end. – Margaret Thatcher
Save paper, don’t do home work.
What’s another word for thesaurus? – Thomas Edison
All guys hate the words DON’T and STOP unless they’re put together.