Feminism vs Femininity, which am I?

Recently I received a email from a lady who read my birth story, she is also very fascinated with natural birth and children. I responded and wrote about the purpose of my blog; to motivate women, especially my kinsfolk (Boerwomen), to turn back to the old ways, God’s way and to show those who know that there are more women out there who feel the same. This conversation, among other things, inspired me to write this article.

The best place to look for answers is always the Bible. All you need to know about being a woman, a wife, a mother, and a friend is in there. This is where I find most answers. I also use google and the words of the older, wiser women (even though they are less in this day, they are around.) Jesus said “Ask, and it will be given to you; seek and you will find…” Matt. 7:7.

I’m not going to write this to dictate what you should do, I’m only going to tell you how I grew as a wife and mother in Christ and how I feel about a woman’s place in the Godly order.

Since I gave my life to the Lord, it’s been a growing process. If I look back at where I was before I started to walk in God’s way, I can’t believe that I was that person. I grew up with quite a liberal, feminist outlook on what a woman should be. I thought she should be; “an independent woman”, that she “doesn’t need to have children or need them”, “that men and women are equal in the home and workplace”, “that women need to have a successful careers” and that she doesn’t need a man. I grew up with this feminist mindset because of my parents, the church and school.

I look at the world today, how dangerous it is for a woman to be without a husband. Terrible things happen to our women everyday and this usually happens because they are alone, without a man there to protect her. Will you send your daughter alone out in the street at night? Probably not, but you will send her off to college and university to fend for herself. Here, in South Africa, we read and hear of girls and women getting raped and abducted daily, but we still send our precious jewels alone out to the mall for movies. In the old days women were almost always escorted by a man to protect them.

We are being told that women and men are equal in the home and workplace. From my experience this is not true. Women are sensitive to their emotions and more prone to understand and sympathize with the feelings of others. And there is nothing wrong with this, because this is the way God made us. Women need to be emotional beings, because their role is to be mothers, wives and keepers of the home. This is the place where emotional sensitivity is most needed, we need to nurse and teach our children with loving and caring hearts. We need to be there for our husbands helping them and supporting them.

Titus 2:4-5 “4 that admonish the young women to love their husbands, to love their children, 5 to be discreet, chaste, home-makers, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be blasphemed.”

We need to submit to our husbands, love them and be their helpers. 1 Peter 3:1 “Wives, likewise, be submissive to your own husband, that even if some do not obey the word, they, without a word, may be won by conduct of their wives,”. This also states that if a woman submits to her husband and he is not obeying the Word he can learn of her hope in Christ through his wife’s Christian conduct. She is praying, not preaching. This also is in need of emotion, because you need a sober, loving heart to be a submissive wife. If you look at the two previous verses, you’ll also see it says “own husbands”, you are not allowed to submit to any other man except your own husband.

Women should not have a professional career. Women should not work outside the God given order, due to the fact that men instinctively want to impress women if they cohabit in the same space for any period of time.

If a woman runs her own business and is still there for her family, being a mother and wife, then she is being a helper.

If you equalize men and women, you end up with weaker, confused men and disorientated childless women. In the long run this means stressed mothers and fathers, which lead to less children, resulting in population decline. This can be observed in our Boer nation and the rest of the Caucasian race today.

Most scriptures about being women, wives and mothers come down to respecting and submitting to a man (first your father then your husband). Women tend to rebel against this law resulting in their steady acquisition of feminist attributes. What is often misunderstood is that being respectful and submissive to our husbands is not an insurmountable task, it is a delight to practice this natural lifestyle if you look at it from the correct perspective.

The media (radio, television, movies, magazines, newspapers est.) shows us that a submissive woman is weak, uneducated, dull and unhappy, and they always show her husband as an unloving, grumpy guy who has her bound in servitude. The feminist on the other hand is always portrayed as a strong women, who can take on anything, she is always happy and very successful. But looking at a real woman outside of lying media fantasies, what do you really see?

The feminists I know don’t have more than 1 or 2 children, if any, they are usually unmarried or divorced, they tend to hide behind make-up and fashion. Feminine women I know (by feminine I mean submissive, loving, caring women) usually have 2 or more children, they are either housewives or work for their husbands or are self-employed, they send their children to private schools or home-school them. The details can go into more complicity but I think I covered the basics.

The Bible reveals exactly what a woman should be:

The first thing the Bible tells me, is that a woman needs to be a man’s helper:

Genesis 2:18 “And the Lord God said , “It is not good that man should be alone; I will make him a helper comparable to him.”

Now how am I to be a helper? Proverbs 31 helps you on this one. I know if you think about Proverbs 31, you see a mountain in front of you and that it is impossible to attain. But the problem is that we as women tend to try and follow this chapter as a tick off instruction manual. If we take this chapter on as part of our every day life, it is actually very rewarding:

Proverbs 31:10-12 “10 Who can find a virtuous wife? For her worth is far above rubies. 11 The heart of her husband safely trusts her; So he will have no lack of gain. 12 She does him good not evil all the days of her life.”

My husband trusts me to make good decisions so that he would have no lack of gain. If I make irresponsible decisions by spending his money on worthless and unnecessary things, I’m doing evil to him. If he can’t trust me to make wise decisions, I’m not doing good unto him. To do him good he needs to trust me.

Verse 13 “She seeks wool and flax, And willingly work with her hands.”

Verse 14-16 “She is like the merchant ships, She brings her food from afar. 15 She also arises while it is yet night, And provides food for her household, And a portion for her maidservants. 16 She considers a field and buys it; From her profits she plants a vineyard.”

Verse 18 “She perceives that her merchandise is good, And her lamp does not go out by night.”

Verse 24 “She makes linen garments and sells them, And supplies sashes for the merchants.”

To me this doesn’t necessarily mean to make clothes yourself, I think it did in times past. In the post industrial world we can buy our clothing from shops, if it’s a little bit worn we just throw it away. And I believe any one out there can at least sew on a button and fix a small tear in a jean. I, myself don’t enjoy this very much and tend to stack it up until it haunts me. But I’m willing and try my best. I believe I make up with crocheting scarves for my family. It is about the willing heart.

Most people believe to be a housewife, you just sit around with no knowledge or education. It is quite the opposite. These verses shows a woman who brings in money, saves money and spends money wisely. She is skilled. You can still have your career, but what are you doing it for, is it for your family or for yourself? The difference between the feminist and the feminine is that the feminine woman is doing it for the good of her husband. Where the feminist is doing it for herself and it is about what she can accomplish. The feminine woman uses her skills and talents to build her household, she shares all she has with her husband and family. If what you are doing keeps you from your family or goes against family values, then you are a feminist.

The lamp that doesn’t go out by night does not mean to stay up all night or to go bed late, but by being a mother and wife you dedicate (offer) yourself to your family whenever they need you. I came to this understanding after I had to go through 4 nights of little sleep when my daughter had a very high fever.

It says “Strength and honor are her clothing” and that “She opens her mouth with wisdom, and on her tongue is the law of kindness.” and “She watches over the ways of her household”. I think this speaks for itself .

I can lay out the whole of Proverbs 31 for you, but like I said, it speaks for itself. The Bible is there for all to understand. Proverbs 31 was actually written for men anyway, it is to give them a general perspective of what to look for in a helper. We as feminine women can use it to lead us in the right direction, but it is there to help us be the feminine helpers we ought to be. Verse 28 – 31 basically sums it up:

Septuagint:

“And her kindness to them sets up her children for them,

and they grow rich, and her husband praises her.

“Many daughters have obtained wealth,

many have wrought valiantly;

But thou hast exceeded, thou hast surpassed all.

Charms are false, and woman’s beauty is vain; for it is a wise woman that is blessed,

and let her praise the fear of the Lord.

Give her of the fruit of her lips;

and let her husband be praised in the gates.”

The Conclusion:

The Bible tells me to be feminine, the helper and keeper of my home, to tend to my family’s needs and love them. To be selfless.