This is not a review of the show, but rather some thoughts about the main stuff that took place.
WrestleMania 33 happened a week ago, and I just rewatched some of the highlights, and it confirmed by previous thoughts of it being - a good show!
I haven't been following WWE - or any wrestling, really - week to week lately, but of course WrestleMania is the one thing that I'll watch every year, even if I know nothing about the storylines going in.
Because of timezones, WrestleMania started at 2am in Finland, and lasted all the way to 7am, so I'm happy WrestleMania only happens once a year. I simply could not take more.
This brings me to my first thought of the show, which is that it's too damn long. WrestleMania this year was 5 hours for the main show, which followed a 2 hour pre-show, clocking the entire show at 7 hours, which is just ridiculously long for a wrestling show, or any show, really.
I'm happy I watched it at the comfort of my home, I can't even imagine what it must have been like enduring the hot Orlando in a crowded stadium for 7 hours.
The WWE doesn't get enough credit for its extremely high production values.
Every year, the WrestleMania set tops the previous year's, and this year was no exception. It amazes me that the WWE runs numerous weekly TV shows, RAW being the flagship show and starting in 1993, and the production fuck ups on RAW episodes alone can be counted with one hand. That's a live weekly show for 24 years that has had very little screw ups. Professional as fuck.
The main card opened up with Shane McMahon vs. AJ Styles.
A lot of people were critical of this, since they felt that AJ deserved better than to wrestle Shane, who is basically a non-wrestler, but I was curious. I think Shane is a major enough player that if AJ wasn't wrestling for a World title, wrestling Shane was actually better than a midcard match with a lesser name.
What I was surprised by was the fact that the match wasn't a street fight or no dq type match that allows for smoke and mirrors, but instead it was a straight up singles match.
This initially made me worried, because Shane is indeed not a full time worker, even though weapons did come into play later on.
Turned out, there was no need to worry: this match was one of the best ones on the card!
AJ Styles is a guy who has proven to me that he belongs on the big stage. As a wrestling fan, I'm very old fashioned, and I've been skeptical and vocal about the WWE bringing in a lot of indy talent that basically have the same flip flop, videogame-style match every night, with no storytelling or psychology. AJ spent most of his career in TNA, and while I always liked AJ in TNA, he never struck me as a true ring general, but rather a fun spot machine who can have a great match when he's in there with someone better than him.
Maybe it was the two years he spent in Japan after leaving TNA, but something clicked with AJ after his TNA run ended, and the AJ we now have is a refined ring general who can carry practically anyone to a great match. He's come a long way from an indy spot monkey to a more Shawn Michaels-esque storyteller.
A lot of people in this generation attempt to copy Shawn Michaels, since its a generation that grew up idolizing him, but very few seem to grasp what made Shawn great. It's never the moves, but what you do in between the moves. AJ gets this. He has those little things in his movements, selling, facial expressions, etc. that differentiates him from the likes of Dolph Ziggler and Sami Zayn.
The match built from a chain wrestling match into a ref bump that allowed for the use of a trash can, because you need to have the Coast to Coast happen in a Shane match.
The highlight of the match, however, was the Shooting Shane Press, as I coined when it happened. A Shooting Star Press from a 47 year old executive was pretty damn impressive. It wasn't just a Shooting Star Press, it was a really beautiful Shooting Star Press. Shane McMahon is set for life, and wouldn't have to work another day as long as he lived, but for some reason he chooses to risk paralysis in a fake wrestling match.
More power to him!
I liked the match, and I think it showcased AJ really well. AJ got a strong, clean win and can now move on to bigger and better things. You'd think that dragging Shane to a good match looks good in Vince's eyes.
From a pleasant surprise to something of a disappointment, sadly. Kevin Owens vs. Chris Jericho was up next.
First of all, I want to say that Chris Jericho is the greatest man that has ever walked the earth. There's not enough praise I can give Chris Jericho. Dude had two dreams as a kid: he wanted to be a rock star and pro wrestler.
He then went and became both a rock star and a pro wrestler.
Granted, he will never be as famous as a musician as he is as a wrestler, but he has still performed at big stages with his band, their albums have sold, and he's been able to live the rock'n'roll lifestyle. As a wrestler, he is considered among the best, and has performed at a consistent level since the early 90s.
Chris Jericho's 2016 may have been his best year, in fact, or at least second best behind his amazing 2008.
Jericho seemed to get everything over in 2016: "The List", "It", "Stupid Idiot", his scarves and even a houseplant. If it hadn't been for Jericho, I would have watched a lot less wrestling last year. Everything Jericho did was entertaining. You can tell Jericho has nothing to prove, and zero ego issues. He already has a Hall of Fame career, he has his money and he has his spot, he's just out there to have fun, and it shows.
The match between Owens and Jericho had arguably the best build on the entire card, with Owens and Jericho being best friends for eight months, until Owens violently turned on Jericho after Jericho confessed his bro love to his then-best friend. It was one of those really well made heartbreaking moments in wrestling, and was even more sad than a break up between a man and a woman. There's just something between a true friendship between two bros that can't be touched by a relationship between a man and a woman.
Unfortunately, the match didn't quite live up the hype. The build was very personal, and the match was billed as a grudge match, but the match ended up being just a match. It wasn't brutal, it was just a wrestling match.
The match between Jericho and Owens showcased a big problem I often have with WWE storytelling: sometimes the build and the match just aren't in sync. A really personal feud between two guys shouldn't culminate in a match with wrestling holds, the guys should attempt to brutally kill each other.
As a match, it was good. But as the culmination of the Jericho and Owens storyline that ran for 8 months, it was a disappointment.
The pop of the night without a doubt belonged to the Hardy Boyz who made a surprise appearance as a late addition the tag team ladder match.
I had heard rumblings that the Hardyz had signed with the WWE, or were at least negotiating, but I wasn't expecting them to be added to the match. There was no roof on the open air stadium, but had there been it would have been blown right off.
It's pretty crazy to think that Matt Hardy was able to reinvent himself, and get himself over outside of the WWE, after failing hard in WWE. I remember in 2005 when he was feuding with Edge and finally got the main event spotlight on him when he cut the shoot style promo on Edge - and completely butchered his way through, and was never the same again.
Jeff was always over, but a case could be made right now that Matt is the bigger star between the two, for the first time ever.
They did not use the Broken gimmicks from TNA and the indies, I hear there are some legal troubles right now, since TNA didn't like them using the gimmicks on the indy scene.
"DELETE" chants were rampant in the audience, though, so it goes to show that if you can get yourself over outside of the WWE, you can get over. It's a pretty big change in the wrestling landscape, and I'm happy about that.
I couldn't bring myself to give a fuck about Triple H vs. Seth Rollins.
I still haven't been given a good reason to feel sympathy for Seth, even though it's been months since he turned babyface, it was the annual token Triple H WrestleMania match, which I don't feel is even that needed anymore, and Rollins was working with a bad wheel, so even that was working against the match.
I've enjoyed Seth as a performer ever since I first saw him as Tyler Black in Ring of Honor years ago, but he is really suffering from a lack of a clearly defined character. I have no idea who Seth Rollins, the character, is.
This match also repeated a Triple H tradition, which is that Triple H, the heel, gets the cooler, more badass entrance. I've never understood, and never will. Seth looked like a geek coming out after Triple H drove down the ramp on his motorcycle. And the babyface is supposed to be conquering hero.
Triple H did the honours and laid down, but after the match was over, it felt to me like it wasn't quite what it could have been. Both are great performers, but there's just something missing with Rollins, especially as a babyface, and Triple H almost never looks bad or foolish as a heel, and that makes it difficult for the babyface to truly get over against him.
I hope that when Triple H finally has his final match, he really puts a babyface over strong. No ifs or buts about it, he has to look weak in defeat in order to make someone look strong.
The one time he did it was with Batista in 2005, and he became one of the biggest names of the past decade plus.
My match of the night was Goldberg vs. Brock Lesnar.
It was exactly what it needed to be: short and all out action. The match went a little less than five minutes, and there was not a single breather in the action. I'm a big Goldberg mark, and really enjoyed this brief comeback run, especially after his original WWE run in 2003-2004 left a bad taste in everyone's mouths. He wasn't a WWE version of Goldberg this time around, we got the old WCW Goldberg who killed people in a minute.
Had the run gone on for a little longer, it would have worn thin, but it was perfect the way it was.
This match showed something that I've always said about wrestling: it's not about the fucking moves.
In the five minutes the match lasted, we saw four spears, one Jackhammer, and ten German suplexes and an F5 - and nothing more. And it was perfect. It's not the moves, it's how you do them, and how they're built up. That's pro wrestling.
This was a great, old shcool smashmouth fight between two big guys who were out to kill each other.
I loved it.
Lesnar picks up the win, which did feel a little odd, considering WrestleMania is usually the place where the good guys win, and this did end Goldberg's fairytale comeback on sad note for him, but obviously it had to happen, since Goldberg's not sticking around.
Happy for both men, and the fact that they got to get redemption after the debacle that they had in 2004 at WrestleMania XX. The little kid in me was really happy to see this match deliver, since 13 years ago I was really disappointed in how their match sucked.
Little 
And then there was The Undertaker's last match.
It feels weird. Ever since I started watching wrestling as a kid, all the way to last Sunday night, The Undertaker has always been a part of it. He hasn't always been around actively, but he was always a part of it somehow. He always had a match scheduled at WrestleMania.
Now he's really gone.
It takes time getting used to, but I'm not sad, personally. I'm one of the few Roman Reigns fans, and I feel it was the right call to have Roman go over Taker in his last match, even if the crowd hates him. He's not getting over as a babyface, but I'm not sure if they're even attempting that at this point. Surely they knew how much the people would hate Roman pinning Taker in his last match. This was no accident.
The match, sadly, was nothing to write home about.
Taker is old, beat up and hurt. He hasn't been the Undertaker of old in a few years, you could argue his last good WrestleMania match was in 2013 against CM Punk. He did have a great series of matches with Brock Lesnar in 2015, though. He found some new life for that feud. But other than that, he has shown his age in the ring for a long time.
So, I'm not sad to see him go, since it honestly was time. It was time to hang up the boots. When you have trouble getting up after a bump, it's time.
Taker has his money, he has his hot wife, he has his legacy and respect of the fans, it's time for him to enjoy life without taking bumps in the ring. There's nothing more for him to prove.
There were a few blown spots in the match, namely the spot where Roman was supposed to counter the tombstone piledriver into a tombstone piledriver of his own, but couldn't get Taker up. A lot of people blame Roman for the botch, but from my vantage point, it looked like it was more on Taker, honestly. He didn't seem to quite have the core strength anymore to make the jump.
It happens. Age happens.
Undertaker had an outstanding career, and up to a certain point, really got better with age. There was a period starting in 2006 up until 2012-2013 where he would have kickass match after kickass match, the likes of which he almost never saw in the 90s when he was younger and healthier.
After the deciding pinfall, Taker broke character and got emotional when leaving his gloves, jacket and hat int he ring to signify retirement. Taker never broke character during his career, so to see Undertaker cry really hammered it home that this was it for him. We had witnessed The Undertaker's last match.
The fans showed him respect, the announcers shut up, and Taker got the great send off he deserved.
Roman Reigns, on the other hand, really looked like a great final boss of a videogame after the match. It takes a special set of balls to carry the burden of wrestling Undertaker's last match, especially since the crowd hates him anyway. I have a lot of respect for Roman Reigns, personally. He will never be an effective babyface, but I guess he could be considered a type of modern era meta heel, where it's so meta even the fans don't get it.
To end the show, Undertaker descended down the ramp, and we heard the bell gong three times.
Thanks, Taker, for the memories 1990-2017. Enjoy your retirement.
