(disclaimer: I am not a survivor, just an ally who cares deeply)
An influential motivational leader criticized and mocked the Me Too movement. Tony Robbin's victim shaming is typical behavior that's been around for as long as abuse.
Tony Robbin's words feel like a few steps back for the movement because he seems to think that the MeToo movement only involves the "MeToo'ers." But it doesn't. Rape, sexual abuse, harassment involves everyone. As a popular self-help guru, his words and opinions are influential and persuasive to his subscribers. Many people in that audience may have lost sympathy or understanding for the Me Too movement based on his actions during this event. Even worse, there could have even been abusers in the audience. What a wasted opportunity to help them see the light.
Understanding abuse is complicated and can involve input from every scale of an abusers life. I'm no scholar on the topic, but I think it's pretty obvious that the over-arching influence of sexual abuse is perceived sexual privilege that the pervasive patriarchy infuses. Zooming way in though, I can't help but think that at the root of many abusers actions is insecurity and fear. They're afraid that no one will love and accept them unless certain perceived conditions are met, or insecure that their access to love and acceptance is threatened. If they don't assault this person who they perceive as a threat (or because the act will gain them favor among peers), then their own sense of significance and validity is triggered. Which is why Tony Robbins accusations are so frustratingly ironic.
If a man, who by nature is more prone toward impulsive, physical responses is insecure about his outlook on acceptance (a fragile sense of self) then the women (or anyone) in his world could be at risk of abuse. Then those people are at risk for becoming abusers, perpetuating a ruthless cycle. It's important everyone recognize their role in this cycle because every single person on earth plays a role in abuse. Even an individuals seemingly nuanced comments or behaviors contribute to the compounding affect of rape culture. If someone is raped, this is the whole world's fault, not just the perpetrator.
As a motivational leader, I'd expect that someone like Tony Robbins would have a deeper grasp on the ubiquity of sexual abuse. Because his audience is so large, he has real opportunity to help important social movements like the MeToo movement. Dismantling deep, historical patterns of sexual male privilege is no small feat, and if a man-bro like Tony could get on board, think of all the men he could influence in a positive way. It's crucial to get men like Tony Robbins to cross over from the Dark side.
As a man of influence, Tony Robbin's dissenting words only help perpetuate the cycle of abuse. I hope he can someday truly understand that it's okay to let a woman share her survival story and that it's at no threat to him.
Nanine McCool, you are a badass.
