What is stammering?
Here are some things that may happen to your talking - things that you might do when you stammer:
You may just keep repeating ("p-p-p-p-please"), sometimes the whole word is repeated ("my-my-my-my-my name is")
You may also find that a sound just keeps on going and you can't move on to the next bit of the word, "ssssssssee what I mean?" It is a bit like stretching a sound out
Perhaps you find that the word or the beginning sound gets completely stuck, and nothing comes out at all "!!!". When this happens, the other person might not even know that you are trying to speak. It can be very frustrating and embarrassing
Stammering interrupts talking. It is like tripping up in your own mouth and sometimes, like tripping up, you can "save yourself" and sometimes it feels impossible
It feels as if you can't help it - it just happens - sometimes it happens without any warning and other times it happens on particular words or at important moments
You may have developed clever tricks to stop it happening. For example, finding a different word that isn't so hard or putting an extra word or sound in first. At other times you might just avoid the word or the situation altogether
Whatever you do you may be trying to stop the stammer getting in your way
There are other things that happen because of the stammering:
Stammering can be very tiring. It takes a lot of energy (both physical and mental), your breathing can be difficult and you may find that you tense up some muscles in your neck, mouth, chest or hands and body
It is often embarrassing and frustrating, and you may find that in some situations you get nervous about speaking
Maybe you think that other people will be feeling sorry for you or, worse still, that some people might find it funny. Sometimes you may even think that you know exactly what others are thinking. That will make you try harder to stop the stammering and of course the harder you try to stop the stammer, the worse it usually gets. This is called a vicious cycle. Most people who stammer will know this feeling
What causes it?
We don't really know yet. Scientists have been working for years to try and find out whether there is a cause and whether there is a cure. One thing that is agreed is that the problem is highly complicated.
Stammering is probably not caused by one single thing for a person - it is more likely that it is the result of very many factors. More importantly, the ingredients of stammering are probably different for every person who has a stammer. And the things that help stammering may be slightly different for everyone too.
This diagram shows the four different areas which may influence your stammer, some of which may apply to you.
How can I get help?
We think it is important to have someone to talk to about your stammering. Although this can feel embarrassing, it is much worse trying to deal with it on your own.
It does seem a bit strange that no one mentions stammering. The reason for this now seems very old-fashioned: many parents were told that they should try to "ignore their child's stammering and it would go away", or that "if you draw attention to it, you might make it worse". This idea has unfortunately lasted for a long time, but it is very unhelpful.
All that happens as a result is that stammering becomes a sort of secret, with everyone pretending that it is not really there at all. This must be very confusing and upsetting for a young child, and later leads to many families not knowing how to talk about it.
You could talk to a really good friend; the chances are that this friend knows you stammer and would be really interested to know what happens.
Talk to your parents and ask them to get some help for you.
Get in touch with a Speech and Language Therapist.
Tips for fluency
You may have found that you can do things which help your talking. Here are some ideas from children who have attended the Michael Palin Centre. When you are getting stuck with your talking:
Try to take your time rather than rushing
Speak a bit more slowly
Say what you want to say
Be patient with yourself and say what you want to say
Pause for a moment before you start to speak
Don't always expect the worst - sometimes it goes well
Remember to congratulate yourself for trying things out
Try to have a go at things
Don't force the words - it just makes them harder to say
Get plenty of sleep
Give yourself a few treats
The faster you try to speak the less you will manage to say
Try not to bottle out!
Talk about it rather than trying to hide it
Maybe you have tried some ideas and found them helpful.
Remember, you can't do all of these things all of the time - perhaps you could pick one you know works and try to do it a little more often, or perhaps try a new one!
Watch out for tricks!!
You may have tried out some things to stop stammering which may have helped to start with, but aren't working any longer. For instance:
Changing words
Avoiding certain speaking situations
Taking a deep breath before talking
Looking away from the person who is listening
Tapping with your hand or foot
Nodding your head or moving your body
Adding in extra sounds or words
These tricks are often hard work and when they don't work, they don't help. In fact sometimes they make communicating even harder because people may not understand what you say and then you have to try again...
Problem solving
Identifying and solving problems is a useful skill for everyone. The better you are at problem solving, the more confident you can become in other areas of your life and we know this can have a positive effect on your fluency.
You may be having a problem with something, not necessarily to do with talking. Perhaps you have tried dealing with it, but it is no good, the problem is still there. Here is a way of finding some new ideas which might help...
The steps
Ask some people to help you get some ideas to solve your problem
Make sure that the problem is yours, not someone else's; i.e. it has to be something that you can change. Get a big piece of paper and, in the middle, write a sentence starting with "my problem is..."; for example "how to keep my room tidy" or "how to get my homework in on time".
Everyone throws in all their ideas, the more imaginative the better. All suggestions are written on the piece of paper - they are not discussed or judged until later.
Then consider each option in turn: "what would happen if I...?" This helps you decide which ideas to leave in and which ones to bin. No one else should comment or advise unless it is really necessary. It's YOUR choice, not everyone will choose the same as you.
Chuck out any ideas that you have already tried which didn't work or any which could cause you more problems than they would solve (eg. kicking someone who teased you!). You should end up with five or six choices.
Now number your choices in the order in which you would like to try them. First, second, third, etc. Are there any that you would put together? Make a new list with your choices written out in order.
As soon as you can, try out number one and decide how helpful that was and whether it is worth another go. Or, if that didn't work, try number two and so on
Keep your list handy, even when the problem is solved, in case the same thing crops up again and you want a reminder
Coping with teasing
Lots of children have problems with teasing. Here are some problem solving ideas which the children from one of our courses came up with:
Tell a friend
Call a hotline (eg. BSA hotline)
Ask them to stop
Walk away
Tell the mother of the person who is teasing you
Ignore them
Make an excuse and leave the situation
Tell your mum and dad
Tell your teacher
Write down your thoughts and put in a school "problem box"
Tease back
Cry
Avoid them
Talk to someone else
Stick with your friends
Agree with them
Hopefully you can see one that you would like to try!
ACTIVITY: pick out the six ideas that you think are best and try them out next time. If one doesn't work for you, then try another. You'll feel better just having some ideas.
Have a go!
Expecting the worst?
Do you always expect the worst? Why might it be helpful to change this way of thinking to something more positive?
It would help you to be more confident
It would help you to feel more relaxed
It could help you to be more fluent
The idea is that how we think affects how we feel, which affects us physically...
And all these affect how we speak.
For example, answering the register can be a nightmare. Every day you go into school dreading the moment when it is your turn.
You think: "I'm going to stammer again, I won't be able to say my name, everyone will laugh". These are really horrible thoughts
You start to feel panicky
Then your muscles tense up and you get "butterflies"
Then, maybe you do stammer just as you expected, or maybe it was okay, but whatever happens, you start to worry about next time
This is what we call a vicious cycle:
I'm going to stutter (thoughts)
I stutter (what happens) Panic (feeling)
Butterflies | Tummy hurts
Thoughts like these really do make it worse. So the next time you are worried about stammering, see if you can spot a vicious cycle like the one above.
Give yourself a little time to think about how unhelpful these worrying thoughts are and how they really wind you up! Then have a go at trying to think of some more helpful thoughts, like "oh well, everyone knows that I sometimes get stuck, and they aren't that interested", or "well, it only lasts a couple of seconds anyway", or "I don't always get stuck on my name, maybe it'll be okay today", or "so what? I've coped before and I can cope again."
Afterwards, check how you did - were you able to tell yourself something a bit more helpful? Did you manage to say your name, even though you stammered? Did everyone laugh, or only one or two of the nerds in the class?
We are not saying that positive thinking is the answer, but giving yourself a pat on the back for trying may be better than just feeling upset again. Have a go!
Thinking about your own skills
Did you know that when we are communicating with other people, only 30% is to do with the actual words we say? Sounds strange doesn't it? But most of our communication is to do with our body language.
When we have a conversation we are not just concentrating on the words, we are also noticing how relaxed a person is, whether they are looking at us, smiling, nodding listening to us and are genuinely interested in what we are saying. And this works both ways.
If you look relaxed, smiley and interested, people will want to talk to you. But if you are looking away or seem tense or anxious, people will feel uncomfortable about talking to you. The stammering is less important than you think - your body language tells more about you than your speech.
The important skills related to body language are:
Looking at people when you are talking (but not staring!). Listening and showing that you are listening by nodding, smiling, appearing relaxed, not looking as if you can't wait to get away!
So, even if you feel nervous or worried, have a go at trying to look as if you feel okay. We're not telling you to "just relax" and all will be well. But we do know that the conversation will be easier if you seem to be okay! And it gets easier with practice. Remember the buzz words - have a go!