There are times when life might leave invisible wounds on you that people might not see. It can come from pains of past experiences, disappointments, rejection, betrayal, failures, harsh words spoken during your most vulnerable time. Some of these wounds may remain hidden behind smiles, and behind everyday conversations. However, no matter how much you have been hurting, healing will definitely begin by, not just understanding yourself, but also understanding the people around you. It is at this point that empathy becomes powerful.
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Empathy, in a very simple term, is just the ability to understand and share in someone else's feelings. That is, you are looking way beyond their behaviour and ask what they are actually going through. It does not mean that you should agree with everything that they are doing or saying, nor does it mean that you should give excuses for their behaviour. Rather, it means that you have made a choice of understanding instead of immediately judging them by their actions. Sometimes, what you would have judged people on, if you were to be in their shoes, you would do worse than them. So learn to understand more and judge less.
You will be surprised that the same person you think is hurting you is carrying some hidden wounds that you may not even know about. When you discover this, it will influence the way you relate with them. It is true that it may not erase the pain that they have caused you, nor will it make what they did right. But by understanding their humanity, it will help you to calm the anger you have carried for so long. You will understand that people normally act from the limitations of their own experiences, from their fears, their insecurities, and their unresolved pains.
It is also worthy to note that empathy will help you to heal yourself. When you learn to treat your own self with the same compassion that you show to others, it will help you to stop becoming your own harshest critic. You will understand that making mistakes does not mean that you have failed in life, neither does experiencing setbacks mean that you are worthless. After all, you are human, so you need to learn, grow, and go through life one experience at a time. This life is the first you have experienced, so do not be hard on yourself if you make mistakes. Just learn to forgive yourself for what you did not do right in the past, and learn from them to be better.
There are times that what you will need the most might not be advice but understanding. In difficult moment, a simple "I understand how you feel," can bring a lot of comfort to someone who may be feeling alone. Sometimes, listening without judging the person might be what will give them the courage to keep going. It is true that you may not fully understand the pain of someone else, but what you can do in your own part is to be gentle with them. Give them listening ears, assist them where necessary. Know that a lot of people are facing some hidden battles and nursing some hidden pains. So show empathy.
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Empathy also changes the way you relate with people. You will begin to treat people better, and thereby becoming a better person yourself. Instead of reacting quickly to someone who you feel has hurt you, you will learn to take a pause and listen. Instead of assuming the worse reasons why they acted that way, you can ask questions and understand. Instead of responding out of anger, you can create room for compassion. The more you show mercy and compassion to people, the better you become as a human. This goes to prove that empathy does not just affect the person you are showing it to, you are also a direct beneficiary of the empathy you show.
You have to also understand that empathy does not mean that you should allow people to continue hurting you. It is true that healing can come from forgiveness, but it also requires setting boundaries. There are ways to understand people's struggles without allowing it to affect your own peace. You can forgive without putting yourself through unhealthy situations. You can wish someone well, but it does not mean that you should give them unlimited access to your life. As much as others need empathy, you should also show yourself empathy.
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