It is not a matter of how truthful or honest you are, but how you have delivered it that ultimately matters. Someone can tell you the truth in the harshest and rude way, and you will end up being offended by it instead of learning from it. This is why you have to deliver the truth with kindness. Even though you are to be honest, but the "how to" is entirely dependent on you. This does not mean that you should keep quiet when something is going wrong, so as not to offend them. Nor does it mean that you should not say the truth. What it means is that your truth and your honesty should uplift the people, not bring them down. That is, by your truth, someone should be able to grow and get better, not making them to give up on life. The truth should be delivered as the truth, not as a weapon of judgement or guilt-tripping.
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I remember when I was in a particular choral group some years back, there was this new guy that joined and wanted to be part of the group. After the first few trials, the choir leader at that time told him "you are not good at singing, there is no point wasting your time." It is true that he was not singing well, but saying it that way made his confidence to sink, and he even lost interest in improving himself. He was just coming only for the sake of it, but was not participating in anything singing, because he thought that he is not good enough. Each time, he would be reflecting on the statement that was told him by the choir leader and thought to himself that maybe she is right, and maybe he was not even supposed to be into singing.
A few weeks after, the tenure of the choir leader was over and another leader was elected. When he took over the leadership position, he noticed the guy how he has not been singing, yet was coming around for rehearsals. Then he called him out and gave him audience to sing. Even when he was about to draw back, he made a statement to him, he said "everyone can sing if they want to." So he sang. Well, it did not go as good as expected, but he made a comment that made a whole difference. He told him "you have some potentials, but I think you need more vocal training and practice to unleash the potentials." This boosted his confidence to know that he can do it. This truth became constructive, instead of being destructive like the one from the former choir leader. This made him to work on himself and he grew, and finally became among the lead singers in the group.
You have to understand that the truth should be used as a tool to build, not a tool to destroy. In order to use truth for the ultimate purpose of good, you have to first ask yourself why you are saying the truth in the first place. If you are correcting someone for example, are you saying it just to prove how smart you are, or to make them to improve? Are you saying the truth because you want to vent your frustration, or are you saying it to correct an obvious wrong? Remember that the feedback that works is the one that comes with a spirit of support. More so, you have to make it clear that you are not criticising the person, but the work. Instead of telling someone "you are a very terrible writer," you simply tell them "you are smart, but this particular report is a bit confusing and needs to be rewritten, so that it can convince the client." In that way, you are saying the truth with kindness.
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Giving the honest truth in a kind way is an art that should be mastered. Firstly, you have to do it in private. That is, do not embarrass someone in front of the crowd, because it can destroy their confidence. Then you have to be specific. Do not just tell someone "fix yourself." Tell them the aspect of themself that needs to be fixed. For example, you can tell them "the way you spoke during the meeting and the tone of your voice made it look like you do not value the ideas raised." This will make them to know that they need to work on their communication skills and their tone. In addition to this, you have to also focus on the solution. Do not just point out the problem, also help them to solve it.
I have come to understand that people respect honesty far more than fake promises. When people know that you will tell them the truth at all times, and that you will have their back, they will trust you more, and they will will want to get close to you. It will make them to feel safe with you. They know that you are not saying the truth to judge them or to make them feel guilty, but to make them become better than they were. After all, truthfulness is not about being cruel or rude, but about the courage to help someone reach their full potentials.
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