Oh god the shark! Oh god no! Wahhh!
Day 1
Captain Piss Pants Bong Beard, "Yar! Time to set sails!"
Steve, "Captain you aren't a pirate."
Captain PPBB, "Way to ruin the fantasy Steve! You try making shell hunting exciting."
Steve, "Ok I will! Ahem. Yaba Daba..."
Captain PPBB, "Oh no you don't! Be original."
Steve, "That would ruin the fun. Let's move out."
Captain PPBB, "That's my line! Crew set sail!"
Jake, "Sure."
Steve whispers to the Captain, "Jake doesn't talk much."
Captain PPBB, "Neither does my dog."
Steve, "I keep telling you dogs don't talk!"
Captain PPBB, "I'll prove it one day! Isn't that right Pipin? Pipin? Where are you?"
Steve, "Pipin's at the vets. We had to nuder him."
Captain PPBB, "Inhumane bastard!"
Steve, "Pipin jizzed all over your pillows."
Captain PPBB, "Smart thinking Steve! That's why you're my #2."
Steve, "Captain there is only three of us."
Captain PPBB, "I know. Jake is my #2."
Steve, "You're high aren't you?"
Jake, "Captain we have arrived at our first drop off."
Captain PPBB, "Get your scuba gear on Steve. Time for some moola!"
Steve, "Yawn. Another boring day looking for sea shells at the shore line."
Captain PPBB, "While you two are busy I'll be checking the radar for crabs."
Jake, "..."
Steve, "He'll understand the weight of that line one day. C'mon help me get my gear on."
20 minutes later Steve is in the water. The captain is surveying the ocean life as it moves on his sonar in tiny blips. Jake looks out at sea with a sense of unease. A large blip emerges on the sonar. The Captain looks at it in a puzzled manner. Then comes to a horrible conclusion.
Captain PPBB, "Jake man the cannon! We have a whale!"
Jake, "You mean the harpoon gun?"
Captain PPBB, "Blasted details. Just prepare to shoot."
Jake, "Captain firing a single harpoon gun into the water isn't the best method for catching a whale."
Captain PPBB, "I almost forgot! Don't hit Steve!"
Jake, "Sigh."
As Captain PPBB looks intently at the sonar display Jake readies his weapon. The waves seem to calm down. A silence engulfs the scene. Captain PPBB sees the signal reach his location. Without hesitation he yells, "FIRE!"
The harpoon travels into the water and misses it's target. The dark spot that nears the ship can now be seen. It's a dolphin! I mean great white shark! 20,010 footer!
Jake, "Captain that's not a whale."
Captain PPBB, "Let me see. Holy shit! It's a fucken shark!"
Jake, "We probably shouldn't aggravate it."
Captain PPBB, "I agree. We'll be fine. It'll pass by since there's not much here to hunt. Oh no!"
Captain PPBB realizes he forgot Steve!
Captain PPBB, "Steve is down there! We must rescue him! Jake jump in the water!"
Jake, "I'm not doing that sir."
Captain PPBB, "I know! I'll distract it! That will save Steve!"
The Captain, not one for brains draws his 6 inch blade and cuts his hand. He lets his blood flow into the sea. The shark turns around for the boat.
Jake, "Captain, sharks are attracted to blood."
Captain PPBB, "I know. This will distract it. Steve needs time to um. Hm. I didn't think this one through."
The shark knocks into the boat. A loud thump is heard.
Captain PPBB yells at the water, "You want a piece of me! Jake harpoon that beast!"
Jake dejects, "That will anger the beast."
Captain PPBB, "Shoot it!"
Jake sighs. Then fires. A direct hit. The shark smacks itself into the boat. The ship begins to leak.
Captain PPBB, "Oh no! We are taking on water. Quick Jake steer the ship home."
Jake, "What about Steve?"
Captain PPBB, "We're only 80 feet off shore. Steve can swim back."
Suddenly the shark lunges onto the boat. It's jaw is an endless rack of teeth chomping feverlously.
Captain PPBB turns to the sea creature and proclaims, "Prepare to die Shark! Jake ready the rocket launcher!"
Jake, "Are you(Jake sees where the Captain is pointing)... You have a rocket launcher?! Where did you get this?"
Captain PPBB, "A Colorado gun show, where else stupid?!"
Jake, "Captain they are illegal."
Captain PPBB, "So is the shark for invading my ship! Kill it!"
Jake, "Captain I've never fired a rocket launcher."
Captain PPBB, "Oh right. Here fire from this side."
Jake, "Sigh, ok here goes."
Jake fires the rocket and the shark explodes into hundreds of pieces. Along with a portion of the ship.
Captain PPBB, "Yeah! Take that you amphibian!"
Jake, "Captain we're sinking."
Steve, "Oh hey guys. (Steve enters the boat) What the hell?! Why is there blood everywhere? Why is the back end of the ship in pieces?!"
Captain PPBB, "Ha! We just bested a shark. Saved your life Steve."
Steve, "Really? Thanks Captain!"
Jake, "Ugh. We better do something before we sink to the bottom."
Captain PPBB, "No choice. This will require my back up plan."
The Captain jumps overboard and swims for land.
Steve turns to Jake, "I wasn't in any danger?"
Jake, "From the shark no. From the Captain, yes."
Steve, "I can't believe he used the rocket launcher."
Jake, "You knew he had it?!"
Steve, "I didn't think it was loaded. Well we better swim to shore."
The three swim back to land.
Day 12
Captain PPBB tells his tale in the bar, "And that's how I bested a shark!"
Insurance Guy remarks from the other side of the table with astonishment, "So you destroyed a shark and your boat with a rocket launcher?"
Steve looks down and says, "I'm sorry sir."
Captain PPBB continues on his conversation with confidence, "I too am sorry. I realize my mistake. I promise next time I'll be ready."
Insurance Guy, "Next time?!"
Captain PPBB, "Next time I'll buy a flame thrower!"
Insurance Guy, "Your claim to get a new boat is denied!"
End