Characters:
Kidd- She claims she can see into my cereal boxes. But when I go to the grocery store I can never find the winner. Why god? WHY?
Leena- She's a slut who has a thing for Serge. Yeah! Her and 50 other women in the game. The best advice is to claim you're single. Note: I was slapped by all 55 women in the grocery store. Harems suck. Maybe I should stick to the video game...
Serge- He wields this weapon and... does... stuff. He's also mute. It's kind of hard to warn your friends of danger when they don't know you're mute! Think I'm joking? Kidd several times assumes Serge can speak.
Tiger Guy- He has lots of green fur.
Panther Guy- Looks like Tiger Guy! Try cat food.
Clown Girl- She speaks real funny. Kind of like the cop who arrested me at the grocery store... He said I'm mentally unstable! "I'm not familiar with those strange words." I told the cop. It didn't work. Next time I need to be more convincing.
My Land Lord- She got pissed when I used my rent to jump bail. Hey I have to finish this FAQ. Then it's back to prison! Don't worry. I'll break out like a drug lord. I'll hide in the laundry basket!
Nikki- Plays a guitar and is often compared to a woman.
Guile- He's Magus from Chrono Trigger! Try to get him to take off his mask and you'll see! They show his real identity in Chrono Trigger DS's alternate ending. His limited role in this game makes me wonder if they just slapped the Chrono Trigger thing in at the last second?
Thames -Owns a boat. Has a temper. Did I mention he owns a boat?
Fei- Makes a guest appearance when you rip a hole through reality. You end up imploding Fei's universe... I think that's supposed to be a good thing.
Glenn- He's the FROG! They brought him back to life using golden pastries! He eats a lot of pop tarts. Put one on his brother's grave and the 'One Handed' is yours! I'm not making sense again? Sorry. I thought I heard a cop siren.
Zoah- HE YELLS A LOT! KINDA LIKE THIS. IT'S ANNOYING! Oh square. Your talent for character development is genius.
General Viper- He has a castle, a private army, and people who worship him. I think he's related to Castro. You know. The guy from the car oil commercials.
The Great Pumpkin/Dragon- It morphs! Oh God it morphs! Beware!!!!
The Rest- Good grief, Castro oil.
Plot: Travel through time, defeat Lavos before he can spit up acid all over the planet. Ooops! Chrono Cross is about split dimensions based on shifts in the time line; based on events that should never have happened. Because they resulted from an anomaly, from a prior time, a city from the future; bleeding into another dimension. Two desperate fishermen, a dying kid, injured by a panther; to inevitably create yet another rift in space time. So Dino Crisis.
You start out sleeping from a hangover. The mother yells at her son to wake up. Serge rushes down, does the dishes, takes out the laundry, shops, sweeps, cleans toilets, and then goes outside. Serge leads a dull life where he has to do boring jobs. When no one is looking, he drinks. As he walks out, Serge is told to gut some guy's fish.
Serge abhors his life. After a lengthy day of work Serge is told to see his girlfriend on the pier. Serge doesn't want her. Unfortunately Serge never speaks. At this point you are dulled out of your mind. That's when JoJoJo the scare crow pops out, and tells you to jump into this dimensional hole. Maybe Serge was still hung over. Maybe he was having a nervous break down. Either way, Serge jumps in.
Serge finds himself is a world where he doesn't exist. Serge first wanders back into the village.
Serge says, " ..."
Arni Villager says, "Who are you?"
Serge says, " ..."
Arni Villager says, "???"
Serge says, " ..."
Arni Villager says, "Ok..."
Serge says, " ..."
Arni Villager says, "Stop doing that!"
Serge says, " ..."
Arni Villager says, "Ahhhh!!!"
Congratulations you drove one guy insane. Your quest has begun. Onto the next area. Since no one knows you, you have no choice but to go on an adventure. You must first kill the Luka Luka tree. Beware the tree has roots! (Hint: It's for fire wood. You are going to make a camp fire) After that you meet Kid! Kid has issues. She can't stop stealing. When you first meet her she steals your Messeta! As you are getting to know Kid these knights come, to attack you...
Zoah decides to do all the talking, while the rest of the nights stay still, "I WANT MAN TO COME WITH ME!"
Kid says, "Don't you mean child?"
Zoah says, "I WANT KID TO COME WITH ME!"
Kid says, "Hey! What do you want with me!?"
Zoah says, "I WANT RUM GUY WITH WOOD TO COME WITH ME!"
Kid says, "Blimey! He's a few screws short of a socket wrench!"
At this point you run away. Now the difficult part. Locals see a ghost and they need an expert to help them. I say no sweat and call the Ghost Busters! But phones don't exist in this game. Who ya gonna call? NO ONE! So I get real mad. How come phones don't exist? It's not fair, how am I supposed to order pizza! I want pizza! It's not fair! So we stop the ghost hunting job and head elsewhere.
After I get frequent shots from the doctor, I find myself at this temple where Serge gets his body switched around with Lynx. This dungeon is actually the second time you are forced down this god awful designed tower. It's 1,000 floors! Who the heck builds a tower so freaking high you need a god damn teleporter to reach the top?! What happens if the teleporter is broken? Are there stairs?! How did the builders make it up that high? I know people think recapping is cool, but it's beyond annoying when done in a video game. Because the Green Furball said so! It also said shut up and get back to the game. Serge, Kidd, Falco, Punch find a room with a crystal. Linux appears, Serge knocks over the crystal. A flash of light occurs. Serge and Linux are switched. Unlike Windows 10. The change works! Linux, the panther furry, who is now in Serge's body, is a clever bastard. He starts off by telling Kid he's alright. But everyone knows Serge can't speak. Unfortunately Kidd for whatever reason assumes he could speak the whole time. So Kid ends up getting stabbed by Serge/Linux. Now Linux must fight his party because they think Lynx/Serge used mind control on Serge to stab Kid. They aren't too bright. In response you have to slay your entire party, minus Kid because she's on the floor already dying. No one can risk a Falco, Punch! For an alternate outcome have the beast boy in your party. He's the son of Punch. His name is, Pinch. You see Pinch wants to marry Kid, so if you kill Pinch instead of Punch, Kid won't have a black eye. The current problem is Kid is half dead. Lynx/Serge tries to help Kid, but trips into another trans dimensional hole! Damn those holes! Curse you birds!
They are all over the game. One time I almost went back in time to kill the guy who shot Kennedy. But I fell into the 5 minutes in the future hole. So I ended up staring at the wall for 10 minutes. Kennedy was shot, and the Beetles made a hit album. I really fucked up! Anyways we find Lynx in this groovy dimension. Here every thing looks like a political convention. The neat part is there is plenty of affordable, quickly delivered food. I don't have to wait 2 hours for a god damn drink! The bad part there is no way out. Just like playing monopoly with boars. Once the guy who lives in this dimension starts speaking. You feel a incredibly tired. I wake up and found myself killing 84 dragons. Apparently you only have to kill 7, but the time machine is broken. Epoch! It kept sending me to a place where the dragons were in an ongoing war with giants. Something about bonfires, and keeping the flame alive. Oh boy! I messed that place up! Seethe the scaleless said he'll fix it.
All I know is I was able to escape that dark hell. So many souls died. I'm now in a deserted town called, Marbule. Due to the fact that I killed so many dragons the ghosts from Marbule jumped out of there graves, looking to punish my previous actions. How did they know what I did? Ghosts! They know all. Equip a shot gun and go zombie, ghost hunting! After you clear the island of undead and survivors... Oops! They shouldn't have stood in the way of my shooting! A ship pulls up. To investigate all the commotion. You see a pirate flag. This pirate leader gets ticked and says you ruined everything. I ignored him. Then I paid his son some serious cash for drugs. He's a guitar player. In return he slays his father and marries his sister. Messed up family! Not like my family! I wonder where my family went. You see I was walking down the street then they fell in a dimensional hole. I know they'll come back one day. Until then I'm squatting the apartment... I mean reserving. Is that a cop siren?! Nope, it's a siren from the fish people in the game. Don't scare me like that! Well, back to the game. We must get the frozen flame, according to a clown who appeared suddenly. But before that you must get the dragon's tear, and before that you must free Glenn's brother from the, Masamune, and before that order some pizza. Now that we have all that clear we can begin our humble quest. Destroying robot AI in an abandoned city frozen in time. You feel like I'm rushing through a lot of content? Nah!
The frozen flame is a tough boss. To beat it you must put on the, Goron mask so you can do the spin attack! You got that as a reward for ordering so much pizza. Yeah! Go to the city frozen in time where Chrono, Luca, and Marle from CT1 died. How? Panther. Fight the flame of Lavos. It's super powerful. It was just abandoned in the city. Because pizza! With the flame dead you decide to free Chrono! I know, I know you must free, Schala (HAHA SPOILER), but I chose you Chrono. With Chrono back they can make a part 4 and everyone is happy. Janus will end up rescuing Schala anyway. Oh crap! I left Guile inside Street Fighter II! Oops! This is the best game ever made. So I hope you followed my advice. Never jump into a dimensional hole without a magical rope to drag you back out. I was also told goat cheese, on a clock hand, fired by a crossbow into a rift will also work. What I was just rambling like a loon? You're just jealous I have pizza!
End?
Bonus ending. If you delete your save file you can replay the game with all your stats carried over... wait... that doesn't sound right? Someone do it.
