Getting Medieval

Grimey Gimbles Tavern

Lords and Ladies, Landed (or Crashed and burned) gentry of the Kingdom of Hive!

Please allow me to introduce our evenings entertainment. Due to our last Bard refusing to return we have a rare treat.

Before he takes the stage please allow me to remind you that rotten fruit is acceptable however due to the aforementioned incident I must ask you to refrain from flinging Fish.

Please allow me to introduce...

Bovis Stercus!

( Cue a distinct lack of applause )

Dearest Listeners allow me to tune my Lyre and serenade you with the a tale of epic proportions.

A Tale of desire and Daring, The story of a daring duchess leaving her mark upon the land.

It all started many moons ago...

The Life of Of Fanny: The Duchess of Soggy Crevasse

From The Marshes of A Keep beyond the Red tide
The Duchess Fanny Her horse did Ride
Saddled and Oiled her most trusty steed
Over Peasants she rode, never paying heed

Until at the town of The Duke Most Vile
She called him out to parlay for a while
Duke of The Shaft I challenge You to A duel
Present your sword you charlatan fool!

So battle began upon a soggy field
Back and forth neither did yield
Until with a great sigh The duke she did fell
Unconscious, Unbreathing without even a yell

So once again her trusty steed she did mount
For hours she road, miles beyond count
Until once again at a Castle she stood
Staring up at the walls of Bobbin the Hood

Bobbin I hear that across the land
You wield your sword better than any man!
So out he strolled with a Mighty Large Club
And proceeded to do battle through bracken and shrub

Once again Fanny triumphed and won
Leaving Bobbin in tears, spent and undone
On her way once more to a worthy foe to find
Searching for that champion, one of a Kind

Until in the distance a Tiny Fort she did see
Bearing not one tower, nor two, But three
At the small gate she knocked and beckoned the lord
Come out and do battle, Quickly I'm Bored!

So out He strode in Miniscule stature
Wearing High heels and Lace to Match her
I'm afraid My lady you have knocked the wrong door
You bear the wrong weapon, no reason more

So onwards she rode in search of a fight
And came across the automaton Knight
Battle began from dusk until dawn
Until both of their energy was spent and gone

So remember fair traveller
Please hesitate not
For a machine can offer your Lady
Something You Haven't got.

( Silence occasionally broken by snoring as the Bard hurriedly leaves the stage )

Well That was certainly... Something. Thank you for your patience and for refraining from...

( Notices nearly everyone has passed out, at their seat. )

Well I guess That's the end of todays performances, Please insure that you follow the house rules and use the privy, If you feel the urge to be sick, the pig pen is just outside to the left.