Hi, Thanks!

My sister actually calls my mom not me. It's just that it's been going on ever since she had kids 30 years ago. She made a bad choice with their father and it's been awful ever since. I sometimes dream about what it would be like if she had met a guy who took care of her and their kids if they any. I see other friends and while it's never perfect or easy for anyone. I wish it was different for her and the rest of us. Oh well. She's a smart hard working talented person but 3 kids and no money from their dad made things super difficult. I feel like I have run out of time.
I don't want to be afraid anymore. I don't want to have non stop anxiety and worry.

I came back to edit a bit here. My mother is sick right now. And I'm back into worry and there's nothing I can really do. I'm stuck here in this tiny room in the corner with a chair and a desktop. I go out walk and around but nothing really stops the thoughts in my head. I'm responsible for my mess. Somehow if I could have choose better and worked at it harder. Maybe I could have had my own family and a home. I might have been able to contribute financially to my mom and sister but not have to be living with my mom. It's my fault I'm stuck here. Some how I want/need something to look forward to. Something fun. I've been thinking that for the past 9 years...