My grandfather was born in London in 1899. All my relatives are from England, Scotland and maybe Ireland too. I liked it here growing up but now all I do is worry about heat and sunburn. Lately I'm not feeling well and I'm afraid I'm going to have a stoke or heart attack or maybe it's something else. As usual I feel like I shouldn't write about these things let alone think them. This feeling that nothing works. Nothing better is possible for me. The minutes are eternally long but my entire life went by in a second. Everything I think about was 30 or 40 years ago. The girls I fell in love with have all been married for 30 or 40 years to someone else. I'm just ridiculous.