Today I wanted to share a personal blog today about some feelings i have been having lately as a step-dad and a new parent all together.
It's not an easy task to step into the life of a woman and her child and take on the responsibility of being a dad. I commend any man who steps into a situation like this, because it takes a lot of courage and strength to be a father to another man's child.
As an only child, growing up..it had it's pros and cons, but i always wished i had a brother or a sister to hang out with. So it was always my dream to have a bunch of kids, or at least two..so my children would have siblings. This isn't a crazy dream to have, people have children...it's how the world stays populated. Procreation is a natural part of life, so the dream was not something i thought wouldn't become a reality.
I am 34 and in my life i do not have any biological children of my own, i have dealt with several miscarriages in a couple of different relationships throughout my life, it almost seems like the universe has kept me from having my own children.
There was a situation where a girl i was dating was pregnant, and she told me i was the father. 9 months later she has the baby, and she never lets me see the child or any of my family see the child. I go to prison which is a story i talked about on this blog post and i find out through a letter that she gave my possible child up for adoption.
It destroyed me to find this out while being incarcerated, it was something that took a heavy toll on my spirit at a time where my spiritual health was already being attacked. I was only 25, and i had already dealt with about 6 miscarriages and 1 adoption...it started to seem as if i might never have any kids.
I met my wife a few years ago my step daughter was only 6 years old...now she is almost 12. She doesn't have her biological dad in her life, because he is a dead beat and was never really around. He would always break promises to her and say he was coming and not show up. He was an abusive husband to my wife, and he only saw his daughter maybe a handful of times since i've been around. Almost 6 years now and he's only seen his daughter a handful of times..
When i met them, i wasn't long before i stepped up to the plate to take on the responsibility of being her step father.
I also grew up a good portion of my childhood without my dad around, so i understand her and how she might feel...i wanted her to get something i didn't have though, which is a male figure in her home. I connected with her too, which made it feel almost kismet that i would meet a woman who had a daughter that was just like me. My whole life i always wanted children and now it was finally going to come to fruition.
I've worked hard over the last few years trying to build a solid relationship with my step daughter but it seems my efforts aren't enough. She still wishes that her biological father was here, she still wishes that her mom and her dad stayed together, and she also feels like maybe she wouldn't be so sad if her real dad was here....
It hurts.....
It hurts to know these things, to have been putting my all into trying to be there for a child who really hasn't accepted me as her dad yet. I've done more for her spiritually, emotionally and financially than her dad has, but she is in a state of idolization of a man who doesn't even truly care about her. In her mind her dad is the coolest guy in the world, and she doesn't understand why her mom and dad aren't together.
My wife tells her "your dad wasn't good to me", but what does this mean to a kid?? She doesn't understand that not good to me means he was abusive, unfaithful and unloving..
I cannot say that i blame my step daughter, i dont blame her at all...she is only a child and she doesn't completely understand things about life yet. But it still hurts very much that all my life all i have ever wanted was a family, and i still don't have it..'
Me and my wife have been trying to have a child of our own, but that still hasn't happened yet. Maybe one day it will but for now it is frustrating to deal with just being a step-dad who isnt fully accepted.
My wife even talked to a therapist about it, and the therapist said that m step daughter "sensationalizes" her father and that she has a poor image of him in her head. She also said it does not matter who the biological father is, that children react to who they want. She still wants her father to be her father right now, and not me...and i can't be upset, because i do understand. I just want to have my own child some day...is that too much to ask? I'll always still love and take care of my step daughter though, she's a great kid.
Anyway, i just needed to vent today..i hope this post helps someone out who might be going through the same thing.
Peace and Bliss people!
