I don't know about any of the rest of you, but this year and especially the last few months have been interesting to say the very least.
Early last year I changed jobs taking a $10k a year pay cut. At the time (and likely after) it felt like the right thing to do since I'd be much closer to home (like from a forty-five minute to an hour long drive down to a ten or twelve minute drive kind of closer). I was doing essentially the same job and with less responsibilities, so this seemed like the perfect combination for someone who has already been gearing towards a simpler lifestyle! Unfortunately, after a little while of being there it didn't feel like the right move after all. Not that I regret any of the choices I have made, but the "less responsibilities" I had gone in to the job with ended up meaning something more like "less freedom to do my job the way I had gotten used to". Having a much faster commute meant less time at the end of the day to sit in the car by myself and sort out my thoughts. Taking the pay cut that I had meant stressing a little more about bills...
This job change took place back in March of 2019. Everything was pretty bearable and I got used to my misgivings about my plans for a new workplace. I made it to my year mark and had talked to my manager about getting a performance review and everything felt like it was starting to get more comfortable... until COVID happened and I was laid off about two weeks after I hit my one year mark at the job. I ended up laid off for just over two months, which ended up being both wonderful and horrible at the same time. It was wonderful because I was able to collect during that time and because of governmental "adjustments" I was making more at home than I had on the job, but it was also horrible because I got a glimpse of what it was like to live differently than just doing the normal nine(eight)-to-five.
By the time I was called back in to work, things other than my attitude about work had been altered. Where we used to have two separate buildings, we now had one which meant my position was now taken by a senior employee who had worked at our secondary facility. I now had a position that was below my experience and even less responsibilities than I had before being laid off. I was getting more and more frustrated simply because I had been away from the job for two months, and because I was starting to feel useless without the extra responsibilities and changed position within the company.
Fortunately, not long after I was back I received a text message from a manager at a different group that they had been looking for me. (This was actually an old relation I had developed years prior due to other work experience.) I jumped on the opportunity to establish myself in a position more like the one I had left. I've been there now for two months and things have been a lot better. I have a lot of the responsibilities back; I have the freedom to do what I know I need to when I decide to do them; I'm busy most of the day as opposed to sitting idle and feeling useless. However even these changes for the better haven't resolved something within me that seems to keep me from feeling content, and this is the issue I'm facing currently...
I know I'm not alone in the world right now.
I know I'm not the only one having a hard time with the way we have to live our lives right now.
I'm posting this because I need to reflect on where I am at and how well I'm figuring myself out, and because I want people to know other people are having a hard time.
2020 has been a ridiculously difficult year for so many people for so many different reasons and I just want to make sure everyone (myself included) knows that it's okay to not be okay. We need to be here for each other, to listen to each other, to comfort each other. I hope I can be here for someone and that my writing this out here rather than in a journal that ultimately I alone will read means someone else will be here to echo my calls for sanity. I just want to be content. I just want to be satisfied. I'm tired of feeling like every day is an uphill climb.
So please, if anyone takes the time to read this and can sympathize, let me know. You don't need to struggle alone! We're a bunch of flesh bags living on the same rock for a rather short amount of time. Let's do everything we can to take care of each other!!
