I still wanted to fight because I hate not to do so. I still wanted to experience life near normal. I wanted to win and win back all what I lost. It is just crazy to think that way because I think that I am a crazy fool that always wanted to see the light of another day

NO, you're not crazy my friend. And you will do it. You have that 'never give up' attitude and when the chips are down you continue to press forward. You're an inspiration to many. And with God on your side you will finish the Race very strong :)