ehy dear @pipoune, I must confess that I too (and I am much older than you!) do not feel adequate for this world, I feel lost, I do not share most of its values. what I did was try to do less damage than I could.
life choices are almost never easy, but I think in your case it would be more important to work on your self-esteem, because it seems to me (and I apologize if I'm wrong) that you are the first person not to believe in yourself. I mean to believe in yourself now, because you are denying your being present to live in a happy, fulfilling future dream.

this thing that I studied is useful to me: every person inside himself has several "internal parts" that intervene in all situations of life, all the internal parts say something about us and in turn represent us. Every part, even the part that seems to act against our well-being, has a positive role within our system and wants something for us. Our task, as directors of ourselves, is to listen to all internal parties to understand what they communicate to us, to reach a compromise, without fighting or ignoring those we love least, but seeking the collaboration of all for the common goal, which is the well-being of the person.

To give a practical example, at work we can consider our critical part, the creative part and the active part. And we need all of them to work best. In fact, imagine if there was only the cynical critic: we probably would never start with our projects, too busy worrying, exposing our objections, thinking that there are probably better solutions and looking around to see if the neighbor's grass it's always greener. If instead there was only the imaginative creative perhaps we would think only in the abstract, formulating great ideas but without going to practice, passing the time to fantasize and imagine possible scenarios. Finally, if there was only the active part, we would be animated by a continuous push towards doing, probably characterized by the typical performance anxiety, committed to seeking quantity instead of quality.

it seems to me that your critical part is dominating your whole life, suffocating the other parts of you: you should pay attention to what your personal rules are: for example, if our critical part is particularly demanding, so much so that it has succeeded in doing becoming our basic rule of "being perfect", then it will be rather difficult to be satisfied with ourselves by always responding brilliantly to this remarkable aspiration (in your case becoming famous, changing the world, being recognized by all). We could then try to change the rule: if for example we affirm that our standard model is to "always do our best" the question takes on another perspective: we can work on ourselves, ask for help, make mistakes and start again. to make a mistake (or make a wrong choice) is not a failure: it is a test we do, it is a challenge, but it is not something that will kill us. think that whatever happens there is always an alternative.

You can study graphics (or decide for a school closer to your ideas) and continue to make your art with joy (not with the frustration that is useless because you are not famous, but because it makes you happy).
unlock this chain, go ahead: as you grow you will develop new ideas and you will probably see more clearly what is best for you.
if we feel attacked very often this feeling is attributable to the perception we have of ourselves: we must learn not to devalue ourselves so much, the risk is to make victims by letting our good-being in the hands of others.

sorry for this psychological digression so long to read, but I found it useful.
I hope all the best for you, a big hug :-))