I used to contribute to a blog at McGill University's Career Placement Services, helping students to get ahead with soft skills. Hard to believe this was 6 years ago, but I have to give props to my younger self. It's still relevant. Just as true as it was then, the knowledge we gain from uni alone is not enough to succeed after graduation.
The biggest reason? It doesn't gift us capacity to adapt to a rapidly changing world. Personally, I can't believe how much my life has changed since writing this. Whether I was conscious of it or not, these 5 steps were the difference between my life becoming increasingly positive and catching a downward spiral.
Enter: "How to Change"
Many times we state the best of intentions…but, when all is said and done, have little to show for it. My own path of change has been pretty fascinating, motivated by coaches who said things like, “Everything in the universe is accelerating forward. If you’re the same exact person you were a year ago and haven’t made progress, you’re not just staying stagnant; you’re actually moving backwards relative to your reality.”
Below are five steps for those wishing to continue evolving.
“Quit smoking.” “Lose weight.” “Don’t think of your ex-girlfriend/boyfriend.”
OK, what’s on your mind now? Does it happen to be smoking, weight, and your ex?
That’s because your mind can’t put on earmuffs and block out what you focus on, even if you tell it explicitly, “I don’t want ____.” Focusing on what you don’t want will actually pull you towards the very object of your discontent, instead of towards what you actually want. Here, to “quit smoking” and “lose weight” gets reframed as to live and value a healthy lifestyle. And, not thinking of your ex changes to focusing on the things you want and deserve in a new relationship.
This is the difference between ineffective problem-focused thinking and very effective solution-focused thinking. It might not make sense right away, but focusing on what you want and intentionally ignoring what you don’t want simply works. Trust in the process and you’ll be amazed.
Big goals are great. But how often do you jump up an entire flight of stairs to get to the top? It might be possible after working on your vertical leap with an Olympic coach for a few years, but it’s far more effective to just walk up the stairs a step at a time. Otherwise, you’ll likely fall on your face, get a concussion, and convince yourself it’s a better idea to avoid stairs altogether.
Start small, even if it’s waking up 10 minutes earlier so you can grab a quick breakfast or protein shake before launching into your day. Make that call you’ve been putting off. Show up to that career fair. Momentum builds and motivates. Even something as small and seemingly trivial as regularly waking up 10 minutes earlier is an improvement towards future career success. Don’t theorize and think through everything, just start.
“If you spend too much time thinking about a thing, you’ll never get it done.” Bruce Lee
People who fail at creating change usually don’t have a system for knowing what is and isn’t working. Create one. It doesn’t have to be a written out formula (unless that’s what works for you) – instead, just raise your self-awareness.
Example:
“I sent my CV out to 30 potential employers and haven’t received one call back! I’ve gone through my CV with the CaPS office and even had friends and family give me feedback until it was perfect. I’m a university graduate with a great GPA and was heavily involved on-campus… I don’t understand why I can’t get a job!?”
This is the time to listen to the feedback instead of getting frustrated with what “should” work. Ask yourself, is this what people who actually get jobs do or is it just what they say they do? Is the power of the CV the key to getting a job… or could other things you overlooked be more important, such as building relationships with successful people in your field and volunteering your time to add value to an organization before asking for job?
Developing your sensory acuity (your awareness through your 5 senses) is a crucial part of implementing positive change. Most of the time, people don’t fail to improve just because they are stubborn or resistant; they fail because they fall short of the awareness of how their actions are affecting them.
If you were extremely aware and in touch with how poor decisions affected you, then this awareness would overcome the other drives that push you to make those poor choices in the first place.
Example: “It’s OK, I’ll have more time and be much more capable of doing [insert time-restrained, important task here] tomorrow. Right now, eh… not feeling it.” But tomorrow comes, and you actually don’t have more time — you have less time. And you’re not more capable; you’re more stressed. Still, you get it done and instead of having an amplified awareness of how much easier it would be if you simply started earlier… you attribute the fact that you got it done to your amazing skill of “working well under pressure.” Be radically honest with yourself and, when something isn’t working, confront the excuses that allow you to continue doing the same thing.
Impatience and high expectations can ruin the best of intentions. Instead of trying to make dramatic, rapid changes for short term gains, focus on making small changes over time. Give yourself the room to mess up and expect some “dips” in your progress along the way. None of us just magically become successful from scratch or get that one lucky break that is responsible for everything good in our lives. We build a successful life one step at a time. In the same way that compound interest works for financial investments, it’s best to start early by investing in ourselves. The earlier we invest (as in, now), the more we will see the “interest” of our steps forward build on itself, exponentially bringing us closer to our ideal reality.
