Regretful Performance

There are very few times that I can remember and say that I haven't performed well. I regret less! I try to at least. And even if the results weren't astounding, they have mostly been satisfactory. That's because after I started working I mostly invested my time, effort, and money into the things that I found interesting and I did with the people I truly care about and feel like working with. Do what you love, and love what you do!

However, I can't say the same about my academic life. Especially when considering my school life. Of course, when I was younger, it was all fairly effortless. However, during my high school years, I began to struggle. Whether it be the subjects that I found boring as hell, the teachers who were incompetent and abusive, and also the looming fear of my father giving me harsh treatment for doing poorly.

"Fear is not good for grades" - 3 Idiots

And there is great truth in that line. That movie has taught me a lot, and one of those is to follow and do what you truly love. To live a purposeful life. Not everyone is meant to be a scientist, not everyone is built to be an athlete. Find your purpose, hone your talents, and try and become the best version of yourself. You are your own competition. That's the motto!

Back in school, I found English quite boring, even though I studied in an English Medium school, I found it extremely boring. Now, should blame the language and subject itself, or the teachers? Maybe it was the books? All I can say is that it's not always the subject itself, but who teaches it, and how they teach it. Because there were a few amazing teachers, who didn't have to shout, and their methods of teaching were effortless.

Unfortunately, for me, all my academic life, most of what I can remember is the teachers being absolutely ruthless with their words. The students who did poorly were called useless, they were told they would amount to nothing, and a different version of the same old scolding from every teacher. Now, I won't deny that some of us did have our weaknesses, a few were a menace, but wouldn't encouragement work better, compared to insults? Especially when we're talking about high school students and not a jail full of felons.

I believe the same principle of doing what you love and serving your purpose plays a role here. Those so-called teachers were only teachers by name and role. Because they didn't know the T of teaching, all they had was a job, which they weren't cut out for. Perhaps, if they opted for a field that they loved, then they wouldn't be as miserable, and the young students would not be left drained of all joy and optimism.

Now, what does all of that have to do with regret and subpar performance? I regret that I couldn't make my parents happy when I brought home the report card. Yes, there were subjects like History that I aced without any doubts, in sports I was always one of the best, and even though I found English boring, my grades were always satisfactory. There were years where I left everyone amazed, and even myself. Alas, it wasn't too consistent. However, all my parents cared about at the end of the day was Maths, Science, and all of those "impactful" and "smart" subjects. And I still take the blame, I guess it was my fault, maybe I could've done better.

It's been close to two decades now, and the echoes and memories of being called worthless again and again still ring in my ears every now and then. Yet, there's also the famous quote by Einstein that gives me some hope and makes me feel a bit less inferior.

“Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid.” ― Albert Einstein