A few vivid and sharp threads of magnetic tape are still stored up somewhere in my memory crate; a collection of memories that have been carrying some unhealed scars for over a decade now.
Fortunately, the days of collecting such traumatic moments are now a thing of the past, or maybe they are still present, and it's actually me who has developed a mental barrier, tough skin that's thick enough to repel or at least minimize the damage. Even though I've managed to get rid of a lot of that unwanted baggage I've collected over the years, there are still quite a few overwhelming scenes that still tend to get the better of me.
ᴵᵐᵃᵍᵉˢ ᵃⁿᵈ ᵒᵛᵉʳᵃˡˡ ᶜᵒⁿᵗᵉⁿᵗ ᵃʳᵉ ᵐʸ ᵒʷⁿ ᵘⁿˡᵉˢˢ ᶦᵗ'ˢ ᵐᵉⁿᵗᶦᵒⁿᵉᵈ
Now, let's not get into the details of all those callous past experiences, all I will say is that I've experienced quite a bit in my younger days. An amount that was long and torturous enough, for which life is now going a bit easy on me in my adulthood, or so it seems at least. In the past 2 or 3 years or so, there haven't been a lot of traumatic experiences that ended up leaving me stunned, for which even functioning as a normal human being became a challenge.
Yes, life still does keep me on my toes, surprising me every now and then, handing me quizzes and tests that I have to pass occasionally for my own growth and betterment. And to be honest, I am glad most of these tests came my way in my younger days; back then I was much more "flexible" and eager to learn than I am now.
I learned a few things about life and people quite early on, whether it be learning from someone else's experience or my own. There's probably no aspect that went unchecked or untried; for all a young guy can see and go through, perhaps I myself did come close to reaching the limits.
Thanks to these challenges and the harsh bumpy terrain that I've travelled on, in present times I am somewhat capable of walking away unscathed from the worst of situations.
I used to be a people pleaser, and when someone wouldn't "like me" or understand me or my perspective, I would just think that there was something wrong with me.
Yet, soon enough I got to understand that no matter how "nice" or "likeable" you are, you just can't please everyone. Which also means that there are some people who you just don't/won't gel with. There will always be a few particular circles where you just don't belong, or maybe they're the ones who just don't fit into your little group? Nor do they match your vibe.
So, learn to let go.
It might sound harsh, but some people and groups are temporary, and no matter how hard you try to keep them close, these relationships will slowly fade away. Sometimes even the strongest of bonds don't last a lifetime.
Memories, the unnecessary ones, try to get rid of them, it might take quite a bit of time, but it's possible. What's done is done, so dwelling in the past is just hindering your progress, and occupying your "limited" capacity of memory that is left, as if it's free real estate.
As Dumbledore one said...
"It does not do to dwell on dreams and forget to live"
I know it's all easier said than done, but we're humans; yes, we're flawed, but we're also designed to adapt, to grow, and to make progress. The sooner you take action, the better.
Focus on your health, eat healthy, stay fit, build a worthy skillset. Travel a little at some point in your life, have goals, invest in a strong hobby or two, build a chiseled physique maybe, set records in some category.
And always surround yourself with people whose eyes light up when they see you, you do good for them, they do the same for you, and always remember to keep your loved ones close.
Let go of the emotional baggage, you have to at some point, for your own betterment, so why not now? For if it gets too heavy, then it might be the reason for which you drown.
"Trauma is a fact of life. It does not, however, have to be a life sentence" - Peter A. Levine