Thanks for the reply!! I do think we agreed on many points!

But aha no, I don't think I missed your argument 😂

My point still stands - if she's
sitting around contributing absolutely nothing while he pays for everything, then yeah, she's being selfish - we agree there. I'm not defending that for sure - she's a shit girlfriend 😂

Where I disagree with you is this idea that because she's "letting him perform his patriarchal role" she's therefore entered into some bargain where she must perform hers unless she actively renegotiates it.

That's still an assumed deal though -
just because providing for her doesn't automatically mean she's agreed to cook, clean, wash his clothes and fetch his dinner in return.

If that's what he expects in exchange for providing for her, then that is something THEY need to agree on. You can't have an unspoken contract and then accuse the other person of breaking it.

Also I don't think "balance" necessarily means half the money and half the housework either - spreadsheeting a relationship is shitty. People contribute all kinds of things, and one person might earn five times what the other does anyway, so it's a bit hard to divide it up down the middle and unfair.

. The point is that the people IN the relationship decide what feels fair - and even us on the outside for sure think she shouldn't take advantage of him. We agree there 💯

But she accepts his provision, therefore she's letting him perform his patriarchal role and must either perform hers or opt out — I stand by my argument that you're making the patriarchal bargain the default until she explicitly rejects it.

I'm saying there shouldn't BE a default bargain based on gender in the first place.

Also 😂 you took one woman being a selfish girlfriend and somehow arrived at the craziest generalisation that "at least 80% of females who claim to be feminists misunderstand feminism" - lol - and women can't fully grasp feminism because they don't want to give up the benefits of patriarchy --- what a stat! Lmao.

Maybe she understands feminism perfectly well and she's just an arsehole.

I think we are general on the same page though 😁