Groom: Trousers and tails, charity shop, 50 pounds. Shirt, tie and shoes: already in wardrobe. Mohawk: self cut.

Bride: Dress, 90 quid on sale rack. Shawl, 15 quid from bargain bin. Shoes, 15 quid from New Look, taken off after wedding and replaced by Docs. Hair, hairdressers, 50 quid.

Married 22 years. Got married as we madly in love and that's the kinda stupid shit we do.