Oh darling I feel for you so much. I know that feeling, and though I haven't experienced what you have, I feel like that when I go to school, which for me is the only way I can earn good money. My body goes into panic mode with PTSD and it's all I can do to get to the end of the day. I get two days done and I have to take rest of week off. The body's trauma makes life so hard. I know what it means to be edgy in company xxx but at the same time long for a normal life with normal connections.