What an extraordinary post. I'm sorry I didn't read it when you first posted it! I didn't get a chance and have been busy. I'm sorry you have had to live through this, but I really admire your persitance in unravelling the reasons you might be so at unease. Mental health is a tricky beast - sometimes we feel fine, sometimes we're hijacked by our amygdala. I'm glad @whatamidoing has been able to guide you a little and it sounds like you know a good set of tools that might help you see the light.

I wish I'd seen this earlier as I would have submitted it to OCD - but I will add to to the list for the next lot of Hive.Buzz recipients.

All the best, and remember, you are not alone!