If there's one thing I'm good at, it's being aware of spirit/mind/body/breath. I should be, after years of practicing yoga and various meditations. I always wonder how I'd be right now if I hadn't had a 'mindful' practice that helps connect these aspects. Probably in a padded room, or dead.

It doesn't mean I'm a perfect being that has all this totally sorted. I'm never going to be a Buddha or achieve enlightement.

It just means I have some tools at my disposal to help me out when things are a little rough.

This week we settled on our new house on the coast. Fucking cortisol response was intense. It makes my neck and shoulders tense, my jaw tight, my very cells vibrate. My logical mind knows that there is nothing to worry about. My limbic brain, however - oof. It was making me feel sick. There was just so much to do. Mum said 'one thing at a time', but how can one do that when the 'one thing' is moving house and selling a house at the same time?

^{rake the rabbit holes - tidy the compost - feed the chooks - get some straw - hose the paths - pick up the lemons - call the real estate agent - mop the floors - wash the bedding - what's the surf doing - bring some wood in - sweep the front deck - clean the grout in the ensuite - fresh flowers in the vases - do the shopping - go to bunnings - pick up the keys - ring the bank - do tax return tuesday - dig up the two natives in front - pack boxes into the van - meet mum to do the garden at new place - get cleaning stuff - make dinner}

These are practical, grounded tasks to do, and if that's all I had to do, I'd be find. But then there's my monkey mind, chattering away. It's the second yoga sutra after all that says the aim of yoga is to quiet the constant chatter of this mind. We're not aiming for no thought, just to not get caught up in thoughts.

Cue maniacal laughter.

^{how much is the new roof going to cost - can I finally learn to drive a trailer - i need to fertilise the natives at the new place - what if we hid the fridge behind a door - how much does double glazing cost - can i make my own linen curtains - i'm behind on my knitting - i don't think i can afford europe next year - fuck i forget my library books - when is the food charity open this week - why haven't i been given any work have i done something wrong? - i miss my dad - need to sell the bow - fuck forgot to pay the rego}

So, tools.

Make a cup of zen tea. Sit and knit. Breath.

I'm aware of my thoughts going nuts I don't need to sit with my thoughts, or observe them, thanks very much. I know they'll pass. I just need to get them to quiet and slow down a little, and calm my parasympathetic nervous system (rest and digest) which is reacting to this overload.

So no matter how busy I am, sitting for ten minutes is going to be the best thing I could do in the day. My old yoga teacher used to say that yoga makes space, and life fills it up. I always loved that concept. The more space you can make with mindful practice, the more room there is for life in the container of the self.

When I'm this anxious and stressed I can't actually breath properly. I'm aware of how shallow my breath is and how it's affecting the rest of me but my mind is too all over the place to calm me down.

So whether I'm sitting on my bed knitting or just having a cup of tea or even driving in my car, I listen to this meditation on the Insight timer app. I actually have it bookmarked to my homescreen so I can go straight to it. It's simple box breathing - in for four, hold for four, out for four, hold for four. It goes for about five minutes, but when I'm really on edge or fractured or overthinking I'll listen to it three or four times. I've probably played this thousands of times over the years now! I just really like his voice and the calm and simple manner he gets me back into my body through breath.

On Thursday, after my morning meltdown, I practiced box breathing with the app for about twenty minutes then headed down to the house to meet Mum. She wasn't feeling great either - the ups and downs of grief and adjusting to her new solo life are rough sometimes. Together we knew exactly what to do - be outside in nature and garden. Physical exercise in the sunshine would help our nervous systems.

Sometimes mindfulness is just a tool you need rather than a fancy word or complicated practice. It's noticing sensations in the body and having some tactics to regulate the nervous system.

It's a tool you need for survival.

This post was written in response to the Mindful Monday QOTW which you can find in the Minimalist Community on the Hive blockchain.