If the planes going down, and I only have time for one text, it'd probably be to my son.

And it's probably going to be something like:

"Holy shit balls, this is the end - what a week. 🍆 Faaaarrrrkkkkk - love you byyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyye'

Because what sensible thing can you send in the last minutes of your life without sounding like you're in the movie Titanic?

I might even accompany it with a selfie. I'd be looking somewhat like I do on this photo of me on the rollercoaster at Luna Park, Melbourne. I've always liked making my son laugh, and the son of him laughing is a nice last thought.

I never laughed so much at a photo of me in my life. Let's see the close up. That's some fear right there.

I wouldn't want my son to think I was afraid in my last moments. He wouldn't know what to do with any last minute outpourings of love. In fact, sending a text to anyone would be wierd. Everyone knows how much I love them, and I have no enemies for a last minute "fuck you".

But maybe just a bit of love would be better? Something like this? That eggplant keeps wanting to be in my final text.

"Farrrrrrrrkkkkkk - 🍆 of a day, but hey - it's been a wild adventure til the end. Give Ned a big squish for me, and make sure you take him surfing. Burn my corpse and feed it to a forest. Squish life for me. Squish everyone. I love you more than mangoes! 🍄♥️'

Can't resist the mushroom and the heart. It's how he will know it's actually me.

Yeah, that'll do it. A text to end this life's adventure. Maybe I'll just save that one in draft messages just in case.