I’m definitely at the point where I’m really thinking about what’s next. After traveling last year and the loss of a parent, I’m just getting back into a routine at home, especially now that we know we won’t be going to Europe again this year. There’s so much I think I want to do. A friend has invited me to a hand pottery class, but I’ve made excuses because it feels like too big of a commitment. I’d really love to try lino cutting because I love this art form, but I don’t feel confident enough, and gathering all the materials seems really laborious. But if I were to thoughtfully consider what I’d like to START, STOP, and KEEP in my life this year, there are three things I can imagine working out.

Firstly, I’d like to START a new job. I really need to think of a different way to earn money because emergency teaching is so goddamn boring. I’m done with teaching – being in the classroom is just a chore. I can pretend to be enthusiastic, but inside, my teacher soul feels black and shriveled, wondering what the point is if AI can just do it for us anyway. Especially as an English teacher. The whole education system needs a shake-up, and the curriculum needs to adapt to the times, but I don’t think it ever will, and I’m too tired, jaded, and cynical to get involved in trying to change it. So if anyone has any WFH ideas, I’d love to hear them.

I think that pretty much sums up my 'STOP' – stop teaching, but that feels like I’m cheating a little. The first thing that comes to mind here is to stop spending so much time on my phone. I’ve already begun the process. Jamie and I have mini challenges where we both commit to an hour with our phones in the other room, and we’re not allowed to touch them at all. I miss my brain working for itself. I miss my imagination. I miss daydreaming. One of my favorite new pastimes is lying on the rug in front of the window and watching the birds land on the birdbath while I roll around on a ball to release my glute muscles. Usually, I’d have my phone to occupy myself while I do this, but I’m enjoying the simple pleasure of watching birds and letting my mind wander.

As for 'KEEP', I’m going to keep doing the things I love: keep surfing, keep gardening, keep growing mushrooms, keep taking photos. Dammit, I’ll keep reading – I’ve been going to the library, grabbing piles of books, and making time to read like I used to. The attention economy is constantly stealing from me, and I want to be more disciplined about spending time doing the things I love instead of having the internet tell me what I should be doing. I also want to keep saving. I don’t want to spend the money we’ve saved for Europe, which means back to teaching, I suppose – it’s good money, so maybe I should just put up with it and shut up.

As for whether I would rather be a gladiator fighting in the Roman Colosseum or a government executioner, no one would hire me for either. I’m too squeamish. I get these ridiculous shocks up the back of my legs that hurt like mad – it’s a parasympathetic nervous response triggered by feelings of empathy. No sooner would I chop someone’s arm or head off (a skill I’d need in both professions) than I’d be stomping my foot and squealing, "Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow," just like I do when someone cuts their finger. Besides, you haven’t seen me throw a frisbee, and if I can’t manage that, I doubt I’d be able to wield an axe for head-chopping or a sword for fighting. It just wouldn’t be pretty. I’d also struggle with taking orders. A government executioner would have to do what they’re told, and unless my mandate was ending the lives of people who litter, tailgate me on the highway, or ride jet skis, I don’t think it’d be a job I’d enjoy.

Yep, back to teaching.