Yesterday, we had our awarding for the dean's listers, and fortunately, I was ranked first in our program. At first, I was happy about it because it was such a shocker for me because last semester I was ranked just in third, so I never expected that I would reach that spot this semester. However, as soon as I got to understand what it truly means to be at that spot now, it dawned on me that it could be really detrimental to my health. One of my mantras when I entered college was "work smart, stress less" because I didn’t wanna experience the hellish consequences of triggering my body. So, when I realized what being in that spot really meant, I somehow wished I had laid low.
I definitely don’t like being the center of attraction, so when I was called on stage, I almost cringed at the sight of people gawking at me, and some didn’t just gawk absentmindedly; you could really see they were judging. Of course, I knew it because I do that too. Plus, some looked at me like they’re out to get me one of these days, and it didn’t help how some of my classmates keep mentioning the ranking. I’ll be lying if I say I’m not pressured with that because I do feel like I’m compelled to keep it. I’m anxious and really conflicted on how to handle this pressure, so I just rant now because maybe…just maybe, it’ll be lessen a little this time.
All of the pictures used are mine.
