I hope I'm not the only person in the world like this... I'm pretty sure I can't be, but I prefer being alone. It isn't that I don't like people, I just don't feel comfortable being around them. I've pretty much always been like that. I've had friends, but I prefer having them one at a time for some reason. I think this is why I like writing so much- it doesn't require any direct interaction. If someone leaves me a comment, that's fine, I have something specific to respond to. As far as going out, or out of my way to establish some kind of social bonds seems somehow false to me. I've noticed over the years that the people that talk the most are the ones that have the least to say.
I really began to notice this when I was in Vietnam. Most other people desired the safety of large numbers of other people. I guess it minimized the possibility of being a target- maybe not, I don't know. I much prefered it when Hue Pham and I were in the bush, silent and focused. The more people I was around, the less I liked it. The same was true afterward. I didn't mind so much interacting on a one-to-one basis, but larger social units seemed to require a level of falseness, for lack of a better word.
As you can imagine, this has made relationships with the opposite sex particularly uncomfortable.
For some reason women seem to require a steady flow of words. This has never been my forte. I had a girlfriend, Catherine that complained that I never talked. I told her to go ahead and start off and I'd chime in after. I guess she expected a monologue or something. My second wife was like that also. She made pretty much the same comment. I told her that I had pretty much told her everything I had to say and asked if she wanted me to start over at the beginning. Were still friends. I don't get it... why people seem to expect a never-ending flow of conversation and why it's always up to me to provide it. My second wife would talk on the phone to her sisters a lot. When they run out of things to say, they just start repeating themselves- they would say the same thing over five or six times. I suppose this is normal behavior. Why do people require a constant flow of chatter?
Mark Twain once wrote: "The more I'm around people, the more I like my dog." I think I now understand why.
