The cousin's birthday (or Make friends with the present)
The other day in the evening we met for my cousin's birthday in a bar. There were the girls with whose family we passed on December 24 last. There came Tadzio , the younger brother. Best. I was left without enough money to pay, because everyone wanted to invite my cousin, of course. I had to tell the girlfriend to loan me the amount I needed. She paid with a debit card, and I gave her what I had in cash. The difference was not much. But the act caused me an embarrassment of those. I think nobody noticed. I hope so.
They, all who drank beers at that table, do things that we could call important. Or good, important for them. Interesting, I do not know. I always have to deal with the question of "what are you doing". There are already severaladvice on this for the actors. I said something that is true, but half-heartedly, I said that I write for some media. "Very occasionally," I explained. That sounds good to you, I think. "Last year you were in a play," one told me. "Yes Yes". Why do you want to know about me, I wonder, why is that curiosity, is it unhealthy ?, that curiosity that would force one to say: well, the truth is, I am unemployed, but not because it touches me, but because I want, because I obey other logics: I am an artist, I will make money, yes, soon maybe, for now I spend the days writing and correcting my stories, preparing projects that I do not like to talk about until I have more or less cooked. But you have to produce, yes, you have to work. Yes. But now I do not do that, now I'm creating, I tell myself in order to make friends with my decisions,
They are lovable, but they are not my type, I have to rub shoulders with people who are interested in topics that interest me, people smarter than me, who talk about art, about stories.
After they left me near home, I came walking. I arrived, lit the porrito, I spoke alone for a while. He told me that I must learn everything, that if I organize a meeting for my birthday, it is best not to put diners in the discomfort of paying. Although that is normal. What is not normal is not having money at thirty. All that told me. I sent some messages to my cousin in Australia. She tells me that I will not see my cousin for a long time. I hope so. Among other things, because I decide to avoid the thin line between the happiness of a few beers to the desire of the ecstasy of chem sex .
