Hello steemians,am writing a novel,please i want you to help me critque it
CHAPTER 1
Like every other harmattan days,it was a bright and cold day in the county,Nashville. the ground was dusty and cranky due to the harmattan period,and even trees felt the dryness it caused.Due to the season's effect the only well in the county was dry and people had to treak miles from Nashville to get water from a stream near the the forbidden grounds,legend foretold of a mighty fearfox kingdom in the forbidden grounds where destruction lies for anyone daring to cross the bridge and come out of the cycle that protects the kingdom.
Dave who since the age of Six,had been accustomed to the weather changes in Nashville, knew he had to get water from the stream to support his mom's baking business.woke up early that morning and headed to the stream.The road to stream was filled with different species of birds singing and the harmattan breeze blowing at will.
Dave was later joined by two of his friends from childhood,bucky and john who also wanted to get water from the stream,bucky is the son of the county blacksmith,he lost his mom at the age of eight and had tried to survive all by himself as he got little or no care from his dad,john on the other hand was the fourth son of the county chief,he had been accused by many has been the most pampered boy in the whole county.Good morning bucky and john,Dave greeted, still shaking from the cold the harmattan breeze had caused,good morning Dave they retorted, also shaking as well.bucky patted Dave on the back, have you heard that the magical soldiers academy are arriving today to select boys who fit.And, I think we fit properly,I became nineteen yesterday, I think you are eighteen, and john seems to be in his early twenties.I just hope am picked to serve in the gallant magical soldiers academy,imagine the respect I would gain,especially from my father and the things we would see, like monsters he chuckled.
Dave stammered,monsters! ,How I pray am not chosen,even to think of it I need to assist my mom in her baking business,she's getting old,you know?john why don't you talk some senses into Dave,Bucky said angrily,This is our only chance in leaving this county,don't want to see the world?. John interrupted bucky,you know Dave bucky is right,my dad is a fan of the MSA,and he hopes am chosen this year,since my brothers couldn't make it, it's hightime you grew up Dave,look around you,we are not getting younger,join us or we've to leave you bakery boy,he shouted playfully.
At the stream the water seemed clean,this was unusual as people would had woke up by 4am to come to the stream and this would have made the water unclean,at side of the stream close to a rock was a man who seemed to be dying,he wore a green cloak with the crest of an eagle on its chest,his chest bled profusely haven been clawed by the monster, it seemed he went through a tough fight with the monster,dave immediately recognized it as a fearfox.the cycle most dangerous creature,by the man side was a wand from the inscriptions on it seemed the dying man was a grand sorcerer,dave seeing this called out to bucky and john who still wondered how the stream was still this clean ay the 9th hour of the day,they were even more baffled when they saw the dying man and chill flew their spines when they saw the monster that been prevented to enter Nashville.
Three of them,immediately rushed to him,sir!!! they chorused in fear,you are badly hurt sir,the man stammered and ask for some water,buck hastily rushed to the stream to get some water,while bucky went to get the water the dying man spoke as he said in trembling voice,bucky,john and Dave the great sons of Nashville, the warriors who would save our lands from the fearfox,the great tragedy to befall us
Bucky who had arrived with the water was also left in awe as his two friends who were shocked as how the sorcerer knew their names.The dying man continued after taking the water bucky had brought,you are warriors, great warriors that would save the cycle and our people from destruction by the forbidden grounds.as soon as I die my wand would pick one of you as my replacement, use it wisely, he stammered.with these last words he died
Dave and his friends were still shocked and in fear as at the cause of the man's death,when the wand immediately lit up and flew into Dave's hand,immediately the boys knew that all what the man had said was true and their lives were about to change forever.
As they prepared to go home,the dead man's body and the monster he had killed immediately turned into ash,This even made the boys more amazed and confused and questions like who was the dead man,what does the fearfox need from the cycle,what is to befall the kingdom, was the man prophecy true, were thoughts that roamed their minds as they headed home.
At home Dave still thought about the dead grand sorcerer,His wand and his last words to them,the thought of fighting monster feared him but what feared him most was leaving his mom at her old age to baking business alone.
Dave!!!,Dave mom,Mrs Becket exclaimed,Dave's mom had left her home town eastern wood at the age of eighteen and had come to Nashville to start her baking business,it was in Nashville she met Dave's father, Quinn,Quinn was a county soldier at Nashville then,he however lost his life in a fierce monster attack at Nashville while Dave was still a baby.
Dave...Mrs Becket retorted,what on earth are you thinking of? I've called you thrice now,hurry! go do the dishes ;and be quick about it, you know you are to present yourself to the MSA coming today,That was why you saw no one at the stream today,I.forgot to tell you,since you woke up early.
No mom,Dave said sadly,I don't Want to join the magical soldiers academy,you and I know I.need to help you in the baking business, I don't want to leave you, Dave said sadly
Dave you know I would never leave you,but its the tradition, it's the tradition that every boy that comes of age is made to join the MSA,if chosen by the wand,don't worry I would always be with you,if you are chosen,just follow the tradition for Quinn's sake he would love you to be chosen. Dave (in tears),responded sadly,okay mom,Mrs Becket ushered him on,ok hurry now,go do the dishes. Dave on his way out,thought of how his mom would survive without him as she was getting old,but as she said, it's the tradition so it must be done, but Dave's prayer was that he would not be picked by the wand he was not ready to lose his mom
Dave was asleep when his door was banged,Dave!, his mom shouted,the MSA are here and you are to come down at once.Dave shurrugdely wore his clothes and came out.Opening the door his eyes got scorched by the ray of the sun,but as his eyes began to see,he saw John and bucky standing at his left and other boys who were fit to be chosen standing at his right.
Attention! A coarse voice barked,from his uniform of pink and the eagle's crest,he was one of the assistant grand sorcerer, he wore a white stockings and carried a big leather bag,he looked too malnourished to even fit as an assistant to the grand master, he was however accompanied by two sinister looking men,the first was short and porky he could barely move,the other was tall and lanky,he also had a scar on his face that made him look hideous. The coarse barked again this time louder,fall in line boys (the boys fell in line),he continued,you are to be chosen today to represent and protect the cycle and the emperor,if there be any sign or sense of weakness in you,I order you to leave now you may fail to leave,he said wickedly .The boys were motionless,pretending to have not heard the last words. The assistant retorted loudly this time,I repeat myself,if you know you ate afraid of death,you are afraid to be eaten by monsters,step down now he exclaimed!, sure many of you would be eaten by monsters,he laughed in an evil way.
Immediately, a boy in his his twenties killed with fear ran,as he ran he shouted, I can't let myself be killed by a monster,mom!!,you didn't tell me I could be eaten by monsters, I quit!,his mom ran after him,feeling disgraced ( some of the boys laughed, this brought the number of boys to nine)
The officer continued, shut up boys and listen to me are there still others who would want to join him,as he said this the atmosphere became tensed,the boys became sweaty,not knowing what to decide they stood like lifeless dogs. Okay! the officer grunted,just because you kept does not mean you would be chosen,the only recommendation is to be picked by the grand sorcerer's wand(upon hearing this the boys looked more confused,tensed and in anxiety), anyone picked by the wand would immediately have a symbol of an eagle on his shoulder ( The assistant to the grand sorcerer brought out the wand,it was just as the one that Dave And his friends were given by the dying grand sorcerer,it had inscriptions of Aramaic on it as the one given to him by the dying sorcerer,immediately Dave called bucky and john). Look both of you its like the wand we were given,he said in whispers,yes!Bucky and john said but we thought you said you hod in your barn then what's it doing here?,Dave being confused now,said,I don't understand.
As the wand lit up the boys whispers stopped,The however began selection it passed the first person, second,it touched the third,the fourth, passed the fifth,sixth,touched bucky and john who were seventh and eight respectively, when it got to dave he could hear the wand yieling him to wield it,he felt the call in his veins,the terror,the fears of the previous wielder.he couldn't help it he stretched out his hand wield the wand,as he did he could feel the energy of twenty men flow through his veins, he could feel a burning and glowing sensation all over his body,he felt alive,levitated and in another world. In the other world he could see a beast having wings as big as the sun,laughing uncontrollably,it said,you they have sent you,it laughed again.
While all these were happening,the boys looked at Dave with disbelief and surprise, the assistant and his follower too were amazed,as soon as reality dawned on him he quickly grabbed the wand from Dave's hand,his reaction was mixed with fear,respect,contempt and hate for Dave,he was unstable to the point that he had to stammer in his speech,to him that sign meant a lot,he gained his stability and said,who said you could wield the wand,the next time you try that I would have my boys beat you to pulp.( his eyes still fixed on Dave with anger and contempt)
He hissed and continued, you have all done well,for those not picked, may the cycle be with you and for those picked, prepare for a different world,for hell,a world were your knowing to wield a wand would help you but how to use it(he looked at Dave,bucky and john and shook his head). We would now move to the academy where you would be taught how to protect the cycle from our enemies.get ready for we movein the morning.with this he dismissed the boys,each of them headed home tired,exhausted, with several message on their faces,some with fear,some disgrace,some surprise while some sadness.several questions stormed there minds as they went home,were they prepared for this,was this part of their lives now,would they ever survive it,who was Dave?
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