"Dad, you have to promise me you won't laser beam him or anything."
I nearly choked on coffee. Sixteen years of raising Zara, and she still managed to surprise me. My daughter stood in the kitchen doorway, pajamas on, hair disheveled, regarding me with those big brown eyes that could melt titanium.
"Laser beam who?" I inquired, although I had a sinking feeling that I already did.
"Phoenix." She said it as if she was talking about some teen pop star. "You know -- Captain Thunder's new sidekick? The good-looking one who has fire powers?"
My wife Elena glanced up from her laptop on the breakfast table. She had that look -- the kind that implied 'tread carefully here or you're sleeping on the couch.'
"Honey, Zara," I started, trying to keep my tone at a regular pitch. "You get it, me and Phoenix. we're not actually friends."
She made a rolling motion with her eyes. Good grief, teens. "Dad, you're Doctor Volt. You've been fighting Captain Thunder for like, what, twelve years? And you two essentially have coffee dates now. It's not like you actually hate each other."
Okay, sure. Thunder and I had become pretty cozy years. Downtown on Tuesdays and Fridays, and then the waterfront, taking turns. No casualties among the civilians, damage to property kept to an absolute minimum, and come on. The guy wasn't such bad company when we'd inevitably both get stuck under a slab of concrete or something.
But his new sidekick was. well, he was seventeen, had gorgeous hair, and could literally set his hands ablaze. Of course, my daughter was in love.
"It's just -- it's my sweet sixteen, Dad. Everyone's gonna be there. Mia's bringing her boyfriend, and Casey's bringing hers, and I just. I want Phoenix to come. Please?"
Elena closed her laptop. "Zara, sweetie, how are you going to ask him? You can't just slide into his DMs."
"Seriously." Zara bit her lip. "I was sorta hoping that Dad could invite Captain Thunder?"
I stared at her. "You want me to invite my nemesis if his underage sidekick can come to my daughter's birthday party."
"When you put it like that it sounds weird."
"Because it IS weird, mija!"
But Elena was already shooting me that look again. And Zara's eyes were welling up. Dammit.
"Listen," I said, running a hand through my hair. "Even if -- and I'm saying IF -- I asked Thunder, what do you think the kid would even want to come? He doesn't even know you exist."
"Actually." Zara's face pinkened. "We've kinda been chatting."
"WHAAT?"
"No none of that chit-chatty! Just -- you know how you and Captain Thunder do those livestreams when you fight? So, Phoenix sometimes reads the comments, and I've been commenting, and he replied a couple of times, and." She was talking fast now. "His actual name is Dylan, and he likes the same kind of music that I like, and he thinks pineapple on pizza is an abomination just like me, and--"
"You've been flirting with my arch-nemesis's sidekick in our battle comment sections?"
"It's not flirting! It's just. friendly small talk."
Elena was trying not to smile. I could tell because her shoulders were slightly trembling.
"This is crazy," I growled. "This is completely crazy."
"So you'll ask?"
"I didn't say that."
"But you'll think about it?"
I stared at my daughter -- really stared at her. She'd inherited her mother's obstinacy and my calculating mind, which was usually a daunting combination. But now she just seemed like a child who was needing something awfully, awfully badly.
"If -- and that is a big if -- I were going to consider this totally frivolous demand, there would be conditions."
She spread her face into a smile. "Anything!"
"No powers. None. From anyone."
"Okay."
"No costumes."
"Obviously."
"And if he is some kind of spy--"
"Dad, he's seventeen and he is nervous around cats. Mia showed me his Instagram."
"He has Instagram?" This was not improving by the minute.
"Everyone has Instagram, Dad. You're so old."
Elena finally lost it and started giggling. "Honey, you know you're going to have to explain this to Thunder, don't you? 'Hey, remember when I tried to pilfer your powers with my electromagnetic ray? Well, haha.'
I grabbed my coffee cup and made for the door. "I'm off to work. Where I battle crime. Like a normal human being."
"So that's a yes?" Zara yelled after me.
"That's a maybe!"
"I love you, Dad!"
Goddammit.
Three hours passed and I was on top of the First National Bank, waiting for Thunder to show up. I'd sent out the usual "come stop me robbing this bank" invitation, but my heart wasn't really in it. How the devil was I going to bring this up?
Thunder landed with his customary dramatic flair, cape blowing in the air. Phoenix came down alongside him, and I had to admit the kid was a good-looking one in the costume. No wonder Zara was smitten.
"Doctor Volt," Thunder declared in his deep hero voice. "Release the hostages and yield."
"There are no hostages," I said. "And I haven't actually stolen anything yet either."
Thunder faltered. "Oh. Well, that's. weird."
Phoenix's expression became blank. "Should we just. wait for you to do something illegal?"
"Actually," I replied, my throat parched, "I wanted to talk to you two."
Both of them tensed up.
"It's not a setup," I added hastily. "It's just. look, this is totally weird for me to say, but my daughter has a crush on your sidekick."
Dead silence.
"I'm sorry, what?" Thunder said after a pause.
"My daughter. Zara. She's sixteen, and she's having a birthday party this weekend, and she really wants Phoenix -- sorry, Dylan -- to go."
Phoenix choked out a sound. "She knows my real name?"
"She knows your Instagram handle too, it seems."
"Oh God." The teenager went bright red. "She's ZeeVolt99, isn't she?"
"You know her handle?"
"We've been. she comments on things sometimes. She's really cool."
Thunder was frowning at us like we'd lost our minds. "Let me get this straight. Your daughter would like my sidekick to come to her birthday party."
"Pretty much, yeah."
"And you're asking me this why?"
"Because she asked me to ask you. And because my wife will give me an eternity of hell if I don't even bother."
Thunder was quiet for a long time. Then he started to laugh. Not his heroic laugh -- just plain, old-fashioned human laughter.
"You know what? Sure. Why not. This job is strange enough already."
Phoenix's eyes sparkled. "Really?"
"Really. But," Thunder nodded at me, "this doesn't change anything between us, Volt. We're still arch-enemies."
"Obviously."
"And if you try anything--
"It's a birthday party for a sixteen-year-old. The worst that's going to happen is someone's going to spike the punch."
Thunder grinned. "Okay. What can he bring?"
I blinked. "Bring?"
"Over to the party."
"What does she like?"
And that's how I found myself in the middle of a discussion about my daughter's interests with my nemesis and his second-in-command on a rooftop in downtown. It so happened Dylan was actually a pretty good kid -- shy, polite, and clearly as nervous about this whole thing as I was.
"She reads," I found myself saying to him. "Fantasy books. And she's learning to play the guitar."
"Cool," Phoenix replied. "I play guitar."
"Oh sure you do," I growled.
Thunder slammed me on the shoulder. "This is either going to be the best thing ever or a complete disaster."
"Thanks. That's really comforting."
As they soared off into the air, I couldn't help but smile. Zara was going to lose her mind when I informed her of my surprise. Elena was going to tell me I told you so. And I was going to be having to explain to a gathering of suburban moms why there was a superhero at my daughter's birthday party.
But hey -- at least she was happy.
The things we do for our kids.
