Hello guys, I hope everyone is fine. This post isn’t really something I’d have imagined myself making but here we are. I guess being awake at 1:29 am has taken its toll on me.
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Back in high school, staying up at this time meant that you were privileged but now it doesn’t feel like it anymore. One of my new plans for this new school year is that I’d only stay up on Friday nights to download movies which would make my weekends a little less lonely.
I have never really hard that many friends and I could say that 90% of them were made through school, which I will forever be grateful for.
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Now when I stay up on a weekday which isn’t Friday, it’s because I went to bed during the early hours of the night and now I have difficulty going back to bed. Sometimes I’d probably watch TikTok videos to keep me entertained till I feel sleepy again.
That feeling of being lonely all come to your realisation during these nights. There isn’t someone you know who is probably always up that you could probably text and be certain the person would text back. Or maybe you just don’t want to feel like a burden.
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Sometimes the pressure of having a roommate makes you want to stay up and enjoy this alone time in your room while they are asleep. My roommate and I kinda have this weird relationship every semester. It’s like at the beginning of the semester you are just having fun together then as you’re getting closer to the end you start to feel suffocated. My roomie is older than me and also family so sometimes you just feel like you know “just deal with it”.
I know school is a place full of compromises but in the university, you’re kinda given the opportunity to make it feel like home but it’s different for me. I always have to be on my toes just so not to mess anything up in the room. Like let’s say, keeping the plates arranged just the she likes them, always hoping that when she uses the washroom right after you did , she isn’t displeased that the floor is wet. I have always been scared of being a burden to people but at this rate I’m starting to think my roommate is just a control freak. I guess it might also be because we are together 24/7 . We are both reading the same course and we’re also in the same class, hence having the same schedule. How on earth can staying up be this depressing .
Now I try to spend less time in my hostel as much as I can and I have also tried making friends who I can hangout with without her.
I am so glad that I was able to share this with you and I hope and pray that someone having these challenges, maybe for different reasons gets the help and support they need. Sharing this is to let you know that you’re not alone and that it’s very normal to feel this way.
