Haunting Illness
In the night you sleep with me
Your evil red eyes burn into my soul
And in the morning we awaken together to start a new day
But you do not see new days, do you?
You see depression pits with an anxiety that is as that of a sharpened knife
You punch me in the gut and your dark cloud shadows me as I try to venture out into the world
No where is safe from the grapple you have imbedded in my brain
I cry out and lunge into anything that may bring me joy
But you await ever still for the fallout to come
And it does come as I hate myself even more as the day implores for me to keep pressing on
I know that in the evening I should walk to try and lose my weight
But the outside and aloneness scares me
I am tempted by the things I know of that are bad for me
I dive in and on weigh-in day I hate myself even more
Sluggishly I drag on to the therapy session
And in the process I am made to feel even more rejected that I already am
I turn to my church family as they allow me to feel loved
But even there I have moments of feeling like an outsider
And you are still there
Lingering
Snickering at my every fall
My anxiety causes physical sickness and it angers and yet shatters me at the same time
Depression--I loathe you
Anxiety--I would like to gut you with your own knife
Will there ever be freedom?
Will there ever be peace?
Perhaps in my deadly slumber there will be relief
By, Tiffany Simar
8/4/17
