I believe that a conversation is in many ways an exchange of information. At the most basic level we gather info and alter our response based on it. Sure, there are other underlying things going into a good conversation but there is no such thing as good conversation without getting new information aka..listening.
That's why it happens a lot for me to feel that my In/Out raport is skewed heavily. I talk a lot, mostly to cover for my lack of hearing and limited the amount of things I do not hear. It's a bit of a preventive defense mechanism. But it's also a stupid one.
When you focus so much on what you say - as I do - there's really a bit of a recurrence that finds itself in the way you express yourself. Without no good input, my answers can only be standard. Thing is, I already know what I'm about to say, or what I said because chances are, I said this or that before. For me, a conversation like that ends up making me feeling lonelier than connected.
Sure, the input can come from a lot of sources. I can say that "I read this great book and.." or that "I've seen this amazing video or movie or.." but rarely do I get to say " I had this amazing conversation!". Which is where a lot of the magic happens. And I like magic.
The worrisome is that without new inputs there's no growth. no evolving. It's the curse of stagnation. A lot of people who don't read kind of punish themselves with this by default but it doesn't hurt as they don't want it.But for me, it's really painful.
I guess all this is a long introduction into the fact that I'm thinking to add a little trick to my repertoire and get a new more powerful mic for my hearing aid. This is like an external mic that can get more sounds but it's a loy bigger and had to be worn either by the person talking with me or myself or just placed in strategically sound place. It's really pretty cool but also a big symbol of my weakness and handicap. I am torn between trying it out and simply accepting that this what I have to do. I think I care too much about actually hearing to not get all crutches I can...
...but I still feel diminished and sad about it.
