She was always warm with me in private
Yet so confusing out in the real world.
This seemed to be the pattern of women in my life for almost 25 years. The ebb and flow of females in my measly existence up until I met my wife.
This is my next offering to the flame.
I've never ever written about my confusion with women in the past; I've always kept the craziness of youth close to my chest because those were the years of my life that I'd rather forget.
Yet, The Flame requires a sacrifice, and a sacrifice it shall have.
Tonight I'm going to tell you about the woman that crushed my faith in her entire gender for at least 2-3 years.
You see, I was a young happy-go lucky boy that was always looking to the stars, yet incredibly naïve.
Perhaps all of you know me as incredibly naïve as it is, but take what you know me as now and amplify it by one hundred thousand.
I'm not sure if many men experience this in life because I've never had a man be as open about this to me, but has there ever been a woman you've been around that you'll just do anything for?
Like worship the absolute ground she walks on?
Female beauty can be like that at times and it's why I get so confused at the Feminist movement -- women can wrap men around their pinky fingers should they know how to utilize their raw femininity.
This was one lady, and boy did she have me hooked.
She knew when to call on me and when not to call on me -- and I would come running, like a little puppy dog.
And yes, before you ask we were dating -- not for long mind you, it wasn't a marathon, yet it was enough time to have me sniffing around way after she had chewed me up and spat me out.
Perhaps we dated for a week or two? I laugh at how short this was but as a 20 year old a timeline like that is 10 years to me, and I had been trying for a while too.
And yet it all briskly came to an end when she cast me aside for her ex boyfriend.
It hurt, yes, knowing that I had been tossed aside and bested by another man, and one younger than me too, but that wasn't all.
I stayed her friend.
Not only did I take it like a champ and shake her boyfriend's hand, but I ran around for her for months afterwards thinking that just maybe, only maybe, I may have had a shot with her.
Do many other men have these experiences? Maybe they do? I always marvelled at how some men don't let female beauty deter them when I was younger; wondering how they did it -- perhaps it's experience?
I mean, I know the drill now of course. Age and experience makes you wise -- you get to know when women are trying to get something out of you.
But, damn, this was my first experience with this and I look back and I was so young and stupid I could scream at myself. That I wasted a year of my life when I could have been doing literally anything else.
It also confuses me why women do these things? Of course, yes, I guess you could say the exact same about the men that don't show up after a passionate night in bed.
You'll run into a bad egg every now and again.
I also have a personality that's easy to take advantage of, and I've had to put up some hefty guardrails to protect myself over the last 20 years.
But I don't see these experiences as a bad thing of course. We all learn differently and in weird ways.
Perhaps someone who would never let a woman take advantage of them like that still had to learn how to open themselves up to their softer, gentler nature -- something I had nailed down hard.
But one thing all these experiences have led me to is that truth is the only way; the ultimate fiery edged sword, the ultimate myhtril encased shield.
When one embodies truth then people that try to take advantage of you have to embody truth too to work on the same frequency -- and that will always be their undoing.
However, beware the adventurer who believes they embody truth, even when they don't. That is something I had to find out the very hard way and on hive especially.
But that's a story for another day.
Truth is the only way.
