That's a difficult question to answer, especially in a short way, since I don't have too much time at my disposal to write. I'll make an effort though.
I went through some things in life, particularly poverty. I know what it feels like to not have enough, to worry about tomorrow, to have debts to pay, barely afford food, buy clothes only from second-hand stores simply because you cannot afford anything else. I can't say I've had it extremely rough, but I didn't have it well either.
This type of life had an impact on me, alongside many other things. I grew up with social anxiety, and wanted to avoid people at all cost. Because of that I chose to become a freelancer. I spent a lot of time learning about it, practicing it, going from one area of work to another, hoping that something will be what I'm looking for.
It wasn't the case. In 2019 I quit trying to be a freelancer because I had no choice. I got a job that I hated, did something I disliked, worked for people I considered despicable, but at least I got paid. Almost two years later I had to quit, and after months spent trying to find a job I accepted help from my girlfriend and left my country, going abroad to work.
Now things are better financially, but not great. I want to have a good life, without having to worry about tomorrow. And I want to do something I like, not to only work for people who use me and my abilities to make way more than I'll ever get this way.
One thing I realized from my past experience, from trying to work as a freelancer, was that I made a huge mistake: I tried to play a game that wasn't my own by rules I created myself, refusing to change them regardless of the situation.
I wanted to make money in a specific way, doing only what I liked, how I liked, without having to make any compromises. I thought that if I simply work hard enough for long enough I'll succeed. And while this might happen from time to time to some people, it's not a standard. It's an exception.
Going through life doing this is similar to playing a game without using items or skills. You can try, but you make things way harder for yourself, for absolutely no reason. As soon as you learn the rules of the game and you figure out what you need to do and how, and you accept the fact that there are things that you need to do that will make things easier for you, such as using items, you will find it easier to make progress and even win.
I plan to do the same thing, but regarding life.
I accepted a long time ago that I know very little about very few things. Therefore, I must learn. A lot. If my goal is to make money, just beginning to work towards that goal is stupid. I know nothing about money, nor how to make it. I have no skill. Therefore, I must learn from others who have made money. I must become skilled. I need to have something that I can provide, either offline or online, or both.
Once I have a skill, I need to understand how to use it so that I can get rewarded for my work, for my abilities. I need to learn how to promote myself, how to do work that is in demand, not to be stubborn and entitled and think that life will let me do what I want. Once again: I am playing a game that was created by people better and smarter than me, and unless I'm willing to learn the rules, I'm at a big disadvantage.
What does this all mean, specifically?
I don't yet know. But I have an idea about what type of path to follow. My goal right now is to make enough money to live comfortably without sacrificing my physical and mental being. I currently think that being able to make money online might help me to do just that. Therefore, I must learn how to make money online. How? That's the difficult part, but once again, I have an idea of the path I need to follow.
I tried to forget most of what I think and know, and now I wish to relearn how to do things the way others who are smarter than me do.
If I wish to write and make money out of this activity, I need to learn how to do it by using things such as SEO, copywriting, the right platforms, the right topics, the right niche, the right products, and so on.
If I wish to create visual arts I need to learn what's being in demand, where to sell, how to promote, how to get the attention of people who can support me, and so on.
I could go on but it would be a waste of time. Basically, I need to accept that I know nothing, that I need to relearn everything and that I must follow those who already succeeded, because they at least know what must be done.
Is this the right thing to do? I have no idea. But I'm tired of going through life stubbornly trying to do things my way and then getting frustrated that I don't get any results. I'm trying to play a game by my rules, and my rules suck. It might be time to accept that I'm not as special as I might've thought at 16 and that I just need to do what others do, the way they do it, in order to live a decent life.