In the past few weeks I noticed something a bit disturbing about myself. I realized that lately I've been going through life pretty much unconsciously, barely doing anything with thought and intention and barely remembering what I did throughout the day.
It's quite difficult to explain this properly. I sometimes feel as if what I do right now, the job I have, the work I do, the articles I write, and the life I live, just aren't real. They're just some part of a dream that will eventually end. And then I realize that this is all reality, as surprising as it might be.
I know that this is all the result of exhaustion, both mental and physical. I'm in my last two weeks of work and soon this will all be over. I've been doing nothing but working for almost 7 months in a row, and it shows. I feel like my mind lives a completely different life than the one my body experiences. It's like I wake up in the morning, I go to work, and my mind only wakes up halfway through my shift, realizing that it's doing some tasks that might require a bit of attention.
This might also be the result of repetitiveness, just doing the same thing over and over again, every day, for months, but I doubt it. I feel like I need to sleep for at least two weeks before I can wake up and say "Yes, okay, now I'm awake and properly conscious".
All of this work, combined with daily writing which also requires effort and time that I take out of my breaks led to this situation. The solution? A break, a long one, in which I can rest and do the things that I enjoy without constantly having to look at the clock.
I wrote this mostly as a reminder to allow yourself time to breathe a little, to relax and to rest, if you can. Being productive all the time and chasing results is good, but if you literally become a zombie that wakes up to do a bunch of tasks then goes to sleep to be able to do the same things again the next day, then that's a problem.
Take some time, rest, relax, do something you enjoy. Make sure you actually get to live and enjoy it. Don't wake up every day just to work, until you can't even distinguish between what is real and what seems to be only a resemblance of life.