Sometimes, you recognize a piece of shit for what it is. Putrid, anywhere from stale to gelatinous in nature, and not worth picking up until your ex-wife steps on it on her way through the front yard to pick up your kids. The question is, not whether Blumhouse's Truth or Dare is a piece of shit, but how you will respond to it.
I laughed a good deal. Not as much as I laughed at a giddy guilt trip like Unfriended or the like, but a decent amount. I tend to laugh at horror movies way more than I laugh at the "comedies", like the recent trainwreck with John Cena (the new one), where he chugs beer with his asshole. Stop trying to be funny. Everybody sucks at it.
To this movie's credit, it doesn't try to be funny, or scary for that matter. It is exactly what you'd expect. The initial incident is lame, though it does provide the most PG-13 sex jokes, when the obvious game is just a game. But of course, there's always a fucking joker demon who has nothing better to do than trap teenagers in a fucking game that little kids play as a joke and never finish. And his name...I'm not making this up, is Calex. Sounds like the douchebag who throws his empty 12 pack all over the neighborhood so his parents won't find out. Is this the same Facebook demon from Unfriended, perhaps? Uh oh, here comes the prequel. $ $ $ $ ! I will bet money that I can get one of these movies made by Blumhouse. All I need is a nifty title. Rock Paper Scissors, anyone? Fucking Chopsticks? Eenie Meenie Minie Moe?
So, there's a few more incidents. The rooftop scene is sublimely goofy. This movie may be stupid, but it's not dumb. When I saw an obstacle that needed to be patched over for this scene (and others) to work, this movie does it. At least it's clever enough to cover its own tracks. And now I look like an idiot by comparison for shouting in a theater full of screaming teenagers. The quickly shrinking gang locates the source of the curse in Mexico (racist!), and more hijinks ensue. Some parts of the film are unexpectedly touching and made me care a little bit, like the Gay-sian boy who's afraid to come out to his policeman dad. I may have wildly divergent tastes from the majority, and that's why I'm needed. Phantom Thread was my favorite film of 2017, so I respect the craft as much as the next cinephile. But if I'm going to see a shitty mainstream film, I like it more shitty than mainstream. This one is unfiltered shit and it doesn't aspire to be anything else. It's honest, and it ends poorly, just as it began. But it really had potential. Unlike the creepy cringe fest about stalker parents who try to prevent their kids from getting it on. Looking at you, John Cena. Or the Memberberry nerd jizzum that was the final nail in Spielberg's coffin. RIP.
If this promotion still sends a shudder down your spine, then steer clear and don't go outside because the air is poison and you'll die. This is harmless horror at its most mundane. But I'll take it over Ready Player One any day. 4/10.
