My God, the long awaited Christmas has come and gone leaving me with a wild experience. Before now I already had a set out plans on how my Christmas was going to be at the village how am going to flex the whole place as a city girl I already had my eyelashes fixed with my new long hair not minding the costliness of the attachment and my shiny long nails " I must find odogwu king from Malaysia" well that's my main motive for travelling in the first place but I think my village people came through for me hahaha
On my arrival to the village with all my cute outfit my grandmother after 5 minutes of giving me an official welcome dragged me to the kitchen she didn't even allow me change into a kitchen wear (did I even come with one🤔) I had no intentions of entering the kitchen so I didn't bother getting any
The worst part is that this kitchen is not our normal kind of kitchen you understand bah
no gas cooker no washing sink no plate rank not even a stove lines of corn was hanging in the ceiling making the kitchen look more like a shrine, I was still standing at the kitchen door confused on what exactly I should be doing here when my grandma called me to come blow the fire under the cooking pot with my mouth I was like .... Ma... Mee? I wanted to tell her I cannot do it not with my long eyelash, what if as at the process of blowing the charcoal lands on my lashes and it catch's fire.. as if Grandma read my mind she said ohh nne Biko before you start go and remove that thing on your eyes so you can be seeing clearly
I wanted to cry but no I will proof to grandma that with my eyelashes I can still do anything, so to exercise the small obedient girl still in me I bent down to blow the first, by the time I blew the fire 3 times I didn't know when I started crying, the smoke from the fire entered my eyes I started seeing red instead of white
No be person tell me to go remove the eyelash,..... my eyelash were gone 🥺
The next day I was outside pressing my phone you know to drop update for my online friends how my Christmas was going when my grandma came again with some clothes and requested I help her wash them
I greed ooh wholeheartedly not until she said I must first remove my nails before washing them so I won't tear her clothes with it🙆 like how... when do nails starts tearing clothes?
I tried convincing her that it won't tear her clothes. I also wash my own clothes with them OMG my lady refused ooh saying that her clothes are light and not thick as mine because hers is a village cloth while mine nah city cloth oh Jesus who did I offend? How am I going to see Odogwu from Malaysia without my lashes and my nails fixed 😭 After much pleade from my mum and dad I finally removed the nails just to wash grandma's clothes. At this point I was no longer enjoying my stay there I just wanted to come back as soon as possible the rules and regulations were now too much for me, it's not what I bargained for I can't even wear my sleeveless because of one small nonsense tiny tiny mosquitoes that was biting me every morning and night and they people there keeps saying the mosquito is welcoming me
Like I don't understand...
Of all things to welcome me to this village is mosquitoes. like, every morning and night I receive a dozen "welcoming bite" I will just be scratching like a mad person
On the main Christmas day there was whole lots of celebration plenty food to eat assaulted meats both chicken, beef, pork mennn I ate and over feed well we don't see this every day I decided to eat all the meat I haven't eaten seen January I did a lot of food combination in fact everything that crossed on the table that day entered my mouth including the ones people brought, drinks are not left out. Even the palm wine I hadn't tasted before entered my mouth and stomach. I ate to the point of having a running stomach and constipation that started in the middle of the night. Around 12:30am the running of my stomach woke me up I jumped up from my bed woke my mum up to come escort me to the toilet but the flies that welcomed me from the toilet singing "we wish you a merry Christmas" made my running stomach to dry up and vanish for a seconds well not long because those flies came to my bumbum and said "good tidings we bring to you and your friend" immediately my stomach made a very louder noise that pushed me inside the toilet not minding the smell and flies rolvering around the place
Immediately I opened the container covering the pit toilet another sets of flies with different species flew up with their own musical sound of "jingle bell jingle bell jingle all the way" At this point I ran out from the murder ground called Latrine toilet" into a nearby bush and did my business no be me unah go kill
For two days the bush became my second home. In fact , I started visiting all other bushes because the running stomach doesn't announce its arrival, so at any point it comes, any nearby bush will serve a purpose.
On the 27th I and some of my cousins went on a bush tour to do our normal business, while in the process one of my cousin screamed "snake !! snake !!" Come and see race ...
I didn't even clean my bumbum I was running and wearing my pants and trouser at the same time Abeg who send me come this village
As am writing this now am packing my bag
I no do again😭 make the Odogwu king from Malaysia come to the city and find me this Christmas is not Christmasing well for me..
Let me look forward for new year
MERRY CHRISTMAS AND
PROSPEROUS NEW YEAR
